Ah foot massage. Those magical soothing and rather loaded gifts of touch. What is the
true meaning of a foot
massage? This question has been pondered by scholars and
pregnant women alike through the ages. For the best answer we turn to
Quentin Tarantino, and a scene from his movie "
Pulp Fiction" in which he deeply and tastefully explores the nuances of good foot massaging. Ask yourself: how many people are deserving of Your foot massage skills? (You say you have no
mastery of the ways of the
foot massage? You want to get mastered? Keep reading for
instructions.)
JULES
It was a foot massage, a foot
massage is nothing, I give my
mother a foot massage.
VINCENT
It's laying hands on Marsellus
Wallace's new wife in a familiar
way.
Is it as bad as eatin' her
out -- no, but you're in the same
fuckin' ballpark.
Jules stops Vincent.
JULES
Whoa...whoa...whoa...stop right
there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin'
a bitch a foot massage ain't
even the same fuckin' thing.
VINCENT
Not the same thing, the same
ballpark.
JULES
It ain't no ballpark either. Look
maybe your method of massage
differs from mine,
but touchin' his
lady's feet, and stickin' your
tongue in her holyiest of holyies,
ain't the same ballpark, ain't the
same league, ain't even the same
fuckin' sport.
Foot massages don't
mean shit.
VINCENT
Have you ever given a foot massage?
JULES
Don't be tellin' me about foot
massages -- I'm the fuckin' foot
master.
VINCENT
Given a lot of 'em?
JULES
Shit yeah. I got my technique down
man, I don't tickle or nothin'.
VINCENT
Have you ever given a guy a foot
massage?
Jules looks at him a long moment -- he's been set up.
JULES
Fuck you.
He starts walking down the hall. Vincent, smiling, walks a
little bit behind.
VINCENT
How many?
JULES
Fuck you.
VINCENT
Would you give me a foot massage --
I'm kinda tired.
JULES
Man, you best back off, I'm gittin'
pissed -- this is the door.
Foot massages feel good. You can give them to yourself, or a friend. Chicks dig it. But wait, how do you give a foot massage? Like this:
START WITH A CLEAN FOOT
Nasty feet are, nasty. Clean feet will not only be more pleasant to the masseuse, but will be more sensitive and relaxed for the massage. A good soak in Epson Salt desolved in warm water, maybe a little scrub should do the trick. Make sure the feet are thoroughly dry before you begin the massage.
LUBE
Forget that puny massage oil. Feet are tough. You want some thick and heavy lotion type stuff. Rub it all over. Don't be shy, apply as often as needed.
RUB BOTH FEET ALL OVER
Get the whole foot, (first one then the other) rubbing from the toes to the ankles. Start out on both of them gently, then work the whole thing a little more deeply. Use long, pressured strokes.
CONCETRATE ON THE SOLES
Again, start gentle and slowly apply more and more pressure. (But not so much as to cause pain or discomfort!) Using your thumbs, make circular motions that cover the entire surface of the bottom of your foot, moving from the base of your toes toward your heel. Keep the pressure of the circles steady and even. Use a bit more firmness on your heels; the skin here is tougher.
MASSAGE THOSE TOES
All at once, one at a time, give the ten piggies a good twice over.
GENTLY RUB THE WHOLE FOOT
One more time. It feels good.
WASH OFF THE LOTION
Maybe a long hot water soak. Stick those feet into some big dry socks afterwards and stay off them for a bit, just to let the full effects sink in.
HAPPY FEET!
See: Reflexology either on this site or elsewhere for a more in depth look at the benefits of foot massage.
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