display | more...

The story of Mary Ann Brown Patten and her successful captaining of the ship Neptune's Car over 56 days is a great adventure tale of the mid-1800s, but for me it always sounded kind of funny. I know "car" in that time referred to "chariot" but if I didn't know that, I'd be wondering what the hell kind of car Neptune drives.

What kind of car does Neptune drive?

Oh, right, a Saturn.

He's in a Saturn convertible with the top down, sunglasses on, gold rings on each finger, Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned, beard fluttering in the wind, rolls up to the curb, pulls his sunglasses down, "Hey baby, wanna rock the boat with me?"

Amphitrite looks interested, and not the least bit discouraged when Hera tells her that the young fellow driving the car is Neptune's boyfriend.