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i call this dream: the saddest story in the world

 

i wake up and i think i might be in hell

i'm just opening doors in and out of things i've lived before

 

in one room, I am a small child and i watch my father leave

in another, I am a somber teenager thinking of suicide

 

I am happily swinging under a tree, thinking of things to come

I am a long ride back home, easy

I am a shy girl commuting, wishing to find you on her way home

I am all of those books on sale in a forgotten store downtown

I am that time I fell into the pool and nobody came for hours

I am those words you wrote about me,

even if you don't mean them anymore

 

I open a door and I am dreaming about you

I open another and I am standing outside

alive

looking out for you in a crowd

 

When I dream

I can't see your face anymore

 

I open a door and I am happily sharing a conversation

I open another and it's just one of those days

when nothing happens

and suddenly, I think of you

and it only serves to remind me

that's the only place you exist in

 

Maybe one day I will open a door into a room of me, sleeping

dreaming i can do

anything i want

with no hope of returning

 

Maybe one day I'll stop wanting