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PharmaPlus®

Uni-Ball V/F Blac  	1	 3.99	    3.99 GP
CB Preg Test		1	15.29	   15.29 GP

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When you are ready to test, remove the Test
Stick from the foil wrapper, and take off the
blue cap. Use the Test Stick straight away.

"I don't care how super-fertile you are, no three drops of pre-come are going to knock a girl up."

Hold the Colour Change Tip pointing downwards
in either your urine stream or in a sample of
your urine collected in a clean, dry container,
as shown, for five seconds only.

"It's been two months."

The Colour Change Tip will quickly turn pink,
showing that urine is being absorbed. You must
continue to hold the Colour Change Tip in the
urine for the full five seconds.

They don't have the tests at the convenience store, don't even have condoms. I loiter by the rack of beef jerky for a few minutes, searching the shelves once and twice more, but nope, nothing, and I leave. They don't have them at the grocery store, either, although they do have diapers, little jars of baby food, and I pass very quickly through that aisle, keeping my eyes on the ground.

Keep the Colour Change Tip pointing downwards
or lie the Test Stick flat until the line has appeared
in the Contol Window. You may wish to replace the cap.

On the way to the pharmacy, a group of women meets behind me for their morning walk. There are five of them, bright and young, all pushing strollers in front of them. The wind whips my hair into my face as I walk, and I feel as if I am leading some absurd parade, hugging my arms to my chest as the five baby carriages follow me in a slow procession.

Wait two minutes. A blue line in the Control
Window shows that the test has worked. Do not
read your result until this blue line appears.

In the pharmacy, I pick out a pen, too, thinking that if I buy something else it will seem less frightening, more routine. "Milk, eggs, loaf of bread, pregnancy test."

If no blue line appears in the Conrol Window,
within ten minutes the test has not worked.

At home, I drink the soda quickly while he tries to distract me with stories from his creative writing workshop. "How does the priest know their codenames?" I ask. "They didn't say them in front of him. And a real secret agent wouldn't pull a gun like that, not in front of the whole congregation. This story makes no sense."

IMPORTANT! Read your result within 10 minutes
of doing a test. Disregard any changes after this time.

In the next story, a man who has raped his brother's girlfriend apologizes and they share a moment of fraternal bonding as they repair a broken vase. "These stories," I complain, "are terrible. And I have to go to the bathroom now, anyway."

You may now read your result in the Result Window.

I stare down between my legs and watch the stick turn pink. Finished, I cap it and head back to my bedroom. I place it carefully on the desk in front of me, face down, and wait. When the two minutes are up, I flip it over and look at the result window. "What does it say?" he asks.

If you are still unsure of your result, you should wait
three days before testing again, taking care to
follow instructions.

I look at the little blue minus sign. I start to breathe again.

"Oh, fuck, thank God."