A million times he
gravely asesses her face, though she scarecly sees, and asks her wistfully to let him hear what she hears. she smiles and shrugs, because it's too vulgar to try and contain in the vernacular. Some things were meant for the silence of your soul. But he can tell from the ecstacy on her face that this shatters the silence and
illuminates her, from the inside, out. She is radiant in moments like these, flushed and glowing like only the un-touched
angels must. Her eyes spill heaven's music, and it tastes strangely like her tears. With a tender sigh, he kisses them from her petal soft cheeks.
He'll lose her soon, they all know. For her birthday he bought her headphones and she dubbed them her "magic 'inside the music' ears." and then she'd laughed in her way, and retreated to the music, which seemed to inhabit her like he'd never been able to. 3 months and then they told him it could be any day. He sat by her bed and recalled her telling him how safe the music seemed, like she could fit within it, the perfect hiding place. How he wished she would come out of hiding for a moment. He felt a pang of envy, that he could not be as beauiful as she. That he could not play her heart like a song.
When the sun set, the last night, she opened her eyes and smiled at him.
"I'm leaving you my ears" she said breathlessly.
He choked back the tears, pleading
"I'd rather you left me your heart".
She reached out to him, taking his hand and putting it over her heart.
"I'm leaving you my ears so you can hear my heart"
a ragged breath and then "You'll find you in there."
"Shhh"
he tried to hush her, feeling so wretchedly cheated. Cheated to be losing the dearest, truest thing he had known, cheated to have seen so few of her secrets, cheated to know so few of her songs. She winced on the bed, her intake of breath was dagger sharp. He was frantic to console her, to be as perfect to her as she was to him. He breathed in, closed his eyes and shuddered as her song wrenched itself from his soul. His whole world trembled as he sang her her last lullaby.
"If I had words to make day for you
I'd sing you a morning, golden and new
I would make this day last for all time
Into the night deep in moonshine"
Then she smiles...oh her smile. With a soft sigh, a tear broke loose, a gossamer arc down the still face. Those eyes, they opened, not just stars but galaxies residing within. Then, she slipped away, the cloud of passing obscured the heaven in her eyes. He made no sound as he covered her. He uttered not a word as he gathered her "ears" lying close by. He turned and did not look back...there was nothing to see, she was no longer there.
3 days passed before he could gather the courage to wake up, to breathe, to think. Standing on the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor, he could not make himself care. He hoped time would leave him behind. He went upstairs and sat in her chair, next to her music. He put on her headphones and turned the CD on, full vollume. Closing his eyes, he listened for her. At first the music was like a shroud, reminding him. Then, gradually...he heard laughter. He heard the sunset and the spring rain. He heard forever. He felt the heady glorified rush of life dance through him. He heard her, loving him.
"So this is what it feels like"...