Quarterly
British magazine dedicated to saving
men from a number of
21st century social ills.
Fashion
Take one look at the models gracing the pages of The Chap and you will see that 2000 is the year of the handlebar moustache, (but it's worth noting that the 'pencil' is predicted to take the upper-lip towards Christmas). You will also see that any man worth his Brylcreem is clad in classics that have either been sheared, spun or plucked, you'll never see polyester on the pages of this magazine. However bright the lights from Mr Byrite, never forget that Terylene and Crimplene are to silk and cotton as back-washed cider is to a magnum of 1979 Bollinger... for more style tips consult The Chap.
Common Courtesy
The Chap is contrived to overthrow the status quo of self-interest, vulgarity and greed. In particular, public transport often acts as a catalyst to man's uncourtliness to man: don't let body odour and shell suits get to you, a few well thought out strategies can make moving in public circles a tolerable experience...read these in The Chap or forever hold your breath.
Health
It is commonly believed that vitamins and a high-fibre diet lead to a spiritually enriched life. This is a delusion, all too often men overdose on products peddled by 'nutritionists' and thus become slaves to their own bowel movements. Don't let this happen to you, on no account supplement your diet with anything other than brandy, coffee and cigars.
Contentment
The outward signs of this chronic disease begin when a gent ceases to integrate with the real world, choosing instead to dedicate their life to MDF, gardening and child-rearing. Symptoms of the disease include; a rapidly expanding girth, staying in on a Friday night and wearing fleecy tracksuits in public... at time of going to press, The Chap is the only known antidote to this anti-social behaviour.