It should have been titled "I've arranged a list of things for me to do in the next 30 years or so..."
It's just another lonely Sunday night ( well, actually it's Monday morning, who cares ?! ), and I'm sitting here, on this particular couch where I first drew you what you meant to me.
With my notebook on my lap, trying to figure out what to do, where to go from here.
There's a part of me who just can't stop begging the other part to just forget about it, let it go, go on just like before, when everything was peachy keen and purrrr-fect ! But I can't and I won't give up to this soft-weeping, sensitive, hopeless romantic that I've been ! For I know that if I continue like this, it would only destroy whatever is left of my organic pieces. Things would eventually evolve and I will be nothing than just a rag for you to wipe floors with . It's barbaric . It's sadistic, ruthless and real . It WILL happen this way ! I just know !
It's time for me to get down and capitulate from my chimerical castle between rainbows, to the concrete blocks and grey monsters of reality.
It's time to step out of my flawless princess gown, and into my torn-out, used All Star's, my faded, greasy jeans, and my zipped, dirty hoodie.
It's time for me to stop thinking about what it would be like...but what it IS ...
It's time I put the pronoun "I" to it's rightful place and owner, instead of "He/Him/His/etc.".
It's time I stopped sending you imaginary messages that you would never get.
It's time that for once I start doing things just for me, but not for the all-present "what would He say IF He knew that I...".
It's time for me to stop thinking of you when listening to my music.
For God's sake! My i-pod library has YOU written all over it !
It's time I stopped seeing you in all masculine characters of all books I'm reading.
I guess I could keep myself as the key-female characters, just for my grey-matter's fun...
It's time I stopped waiting 5 hours in the library on Wednesday's, just because I want to share the same Pharmacology desk with your sheer presence.
It's time I took my life in these fragile hands, I faced it with my skinny body, fought all the monsters by myself...
And let you go...
This is what I have to do.
I know it's gonna be hell of a job blocking every little glimpse of thought about you, but Hey! Nobody said that Life's easy, right?!
I only wish that this plan of mine will click.
So, here it goes : Wish me luck in letting you go. Good-Bye! Farewell !