I suppose that I must have lived a terribly sheltered life, because it wasn't until I went to college that I first discovered this interesting subset of
bathroom graffiti. I've been on many
roadtrips, mostly with my parents, and as such I've seen the
phone numbers scribbled by the urinal, the names written down, the
lewd come ons and
vulgar swear words. But in the Math/Psychology Building of
UMBC, I found something a little more cultured. After doing my business, I quickly went to obtain my notebook in order to write these gems down.
This has grown a bit since I first wrote this up, so I guess it's time for a little organization, by theme.
On the nature of gas and defecation...
Here I sit,
Broken hearted
Come to shit,
But only farted
Some come here to sit and wonder
I come here to shit like thunder
Brought to my attention by StrawberryFrog
On the subject of the toilet itself, and the aquarious nature of the seat thereon...
Be an adult, not a kid
Hit the toilet, not the lid
If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie
Brought to my attention by StrawberryFrog
Saturate your actions with
Love and understanding
Embrace uniqueness
Make yourself proud
Beware of conforming without known reason
And for God's Sake
DON'T PISS ON THE SEAT
Some really bad free verse here, but I think it can still qualify as poetry...
Two Haikus...
"Splashback"
Sublime shit release
But I feel the toilet's tears
Soil my guilty ass
-- Written on the first sheet of toilet paper
You see before you
A toilet-paper haiku.
Ah, but is it art?
-- Written on the second sheet of toilet paper
Both of the above submitted by Kenshi
On where to aim...
In the days of old when the knights were bold
And toilets were not invented
They dropped their load upon the road
And went off quite contented
If your hose is too short
And your pump is too weak
Stand a bit closer
Or you'll pee on your feet
Anyone can piss over the floor
Be a Man! Piss on the ceiling!
The previous was written in elaborate, VERY fancy English calligraphy
Be a Man! Shit onto the ceiling!
vuo adds a variation on the previous little gem
A little bit of homoerotica...
A hand job's a man's job
A blow job is yo' job
Brought to my attention by mountain dew
Commentary on poetry itself...
They paint these walls to cover my pen
But the bathroom poet strikes again!
(Paint them purple next time!)
He who writes on bathroom walls
Rolls his shit in little balls
He who reads those words of wit
Eats those little balls of shit
drenehtsral brings this particular kink to light
Lovely. Just lovely. Whew. Now to step outside and grab some fresh air...
I would not be opposed to being msg'd with any additions you might like to make to this list, or perhaps some additions you might like to make to my school's bathroom. (Hey, if it's quality work, you can't REALLY call it graffiti, right? Then it's CULTURE!)