Jennifer and I went out to
dinner tonight, at our favorite place to dine:
Uncle Sam's in Oakland. She picked me up at my place around 6:15 PM. She was smiling, so I became very
happy, very quickly. She, unlike any other, has the ability to bring me out of any mood, no matter how
morose. We talked like
soulmates on the way to the restaurant, and then, she did something which made me very happy: she turned off the
radio. Something inside me
swooned.
We parked in the Sennot Square lot, and hopped out into the cold night air. I had no jacket - just my Santa Claus hat. I took the opprotunity to give her a big hug, in the middle of the cold rain, in the parking lot. There was a guy behind us in a grey sweater, who I noticed was looking when I turned around - but I didn't care. I don't care. She is Jennifer and I feel no shame around her, ever. She makes me feel alive.
The food, as usual, was fantastic. I finished my sandwich, and then about a quarter of her's. Sitting two tables down from us were a bunch of the TAs from the EE/CoE department - but I don't think they recognized me. Aside from them, I wasn't taking notice of any of my surroundings. Only Jennifer mattered from that point on. She is all that really has mattered to me since I met her in July.
After the plates were cleared, she took the ketchup bottle and started to draw. She started by drawing a heart with my name inside. I smiled. Then, she drew a picture of a smiley face, with words telling of how she missed us - the way we were before anything went bad. She had an image of a carrot under the text, which is a pet name I have for her.
I was happy, and sad at the same time. I miss her more than the air I breathe, and I get the feeling that she misses me just the same - so why won't she come back to me? What is it that prevents our union? We had something beautiful, and that same something could revive itself in an instant if she would open up to me.
My heart is open.
So, after we laughed, smiled, and got moist in the eyes, we made for her car. However, we paused for a few moments under the maintenence entryway for the Sennot Square building, and I held her in my arms. She is so soft, and so sweet. I miss holding her like that all night. I put my arm around hers, and we made our way to her car.
Another hug, before entering the car - and I have her a little pat on the bottom. She always makes the cutest faces. So we pile in her car, and she turns on the heat. We hold eachother, and chat for just a while. I ask her why she is shutting me out, and she tells me that she doesn't know. It upsets me, because I know that if she would open herself up to me again, we could be amazing. We loved eachother with such passion that mere words can not describe our bond.
And we made the short trip back to my place, where I was to be dropped off (and hence write this on e2!). She pulled to my side of the road, and turned on her blinkers. We sat, hands locked, and talked. We talked about what we used to do; the dreams I used to have; and the love we used to make on an almost nightly basis. I kissed her cheek. We talked of better times, and then reflected on the worst of times. Her head had been bothering her for the past few minutes, so she was persistent about having to go home. I was sad, just like every other time I had to part ways with her - but what was I to do? We talked for just a while longer, and then I got out of her car, into the rain, and went inside.
But not before blowing her a kiss.