Frank Gelett Burgess (
1866-
1951) was an
American humorist and illustrator who started out as an
engineer and instructor at
Berkeley. In addition to founding
Lark, he produced many books of humorous verse and illustrations, including
Goops and How to be Them (
1900),
The Burgess Nonsense Book (
1901),
The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne (
1904),
Are You a Bromide? (
1906),
Why Men Hate Women (
1927), and
Look Eleven Years Younger (
1937). His best known works were about what he called
Goops, moralistic tales of bad-mannered children. He also added several words to the
English language, including
blurb.
But he is best known for four lines of nonsense verse, repeated by millions of people who will never know Burgess’ name:
The Purple Cow’s Projected Feast: Reflections on a Mythic Beast, Who’s Quite Remarkable, At Least.
I never saw a purple cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one!
And this is Burgess’ response to the fame of his poem:
Confession: and a Portrait, Too, Upon a Background that I Rue!
Ah, Yes! I wrote the "Purple Cow" –
I’m sorry, now, I wrote it!
But I can tell you anyhow,
I’ll kill you if you quote it!