I am Holden Caulfield. I am not a lot of things. I am not Tiger Woods. I am Holden Caulfield.
I will sit in a diner and be a perpetual cynic. I will look at other people and silently scold them for their shortcomings. I will sip my coffee and smoke my cigarettes and sit alone, lonely. I will see those that I call morons, and those that are funny looking. All because I am afraid I am one of them.
I will lie proficiently and abundantly. Because I can. Because it is what I know I am good at. Because I want to tell people something interesting, or because it is what they want to hear. Because I’m afraid I don’t have anything you want to hear, anything that is worthy of telling.
I will provoke others, and I lash out. I want to kick them and punch them and hold them down. I will always lose and end up bloodied. I will tackle you, only to have you break my nose. Because I am afraid of what will happen if I don’t stand up for myself.
I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of showing the real me. I am afraid of being weak. I’m afraid that this is futile and trite. I am afraid of being afraid.
I am Holden Caulfield.