Enter Thursday. This waiting around is driving me insane.
I'd have my car packed to go, but I still don't know if I'm going up north in one car or two. That's the question, isn't it? I read the cards last night, for myself and Onya. My reading I had done before, and my question was "Will I stay in Baltimore?" Not very specific, but it was answered. At least by the cards, I still await her call. (Hint Hint Digo, call me!) Did yet another "last" poetry reading last night..my writing really depresses the shit out of me, that's why I don't like reading it. I guess others liked it though, two really good poets that were there seemed to relate rather well, told me of some places in Brooklyn I should read at. Onya and I had a rather emotional conversation leaving the coffee bar, about death, and life, and living. She's alot more with it than I realized...and her cards said she was going to Balty. She knows it will be good for her to get out of this southern apathetic HELL,and I do believe she's serious. I realized last night, talking to her about the death of her mom and my grandmother, that June 2 was the ann. of my grandmothers death...and I didn't remember. Why celebrate death? It floored me for a moment, then I realized, that I don't want to remember the day she died. I remember every day she was alive, and those are the days I celebrate by living my life, as she would want. I just hope that she hasn't judged me too harshly now she knows what kind of person her grandson really is. Metaphyical bullshit. Ah well, back to packing.