October 6, 2003 (idea)

Here I stand
alone, lost
falling
where am I?
who am I?
blue pills
three, four
a whole bottle
I sleep
my mother cries
a white light above
firey deapths below
what happened?
I can't remember
falling
NO!!!
I want to live
I cry
no one hears
no one cares
help me
lost, alone
not alive
above deathI slip
Grasping for a handhold
nothingness
I miss
and fall.

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suicide is one of those things that I try just not to think about. I wrote this a few hours before I posted it. When I think too much about Life, the Universe, and Everything I feel overwhelmed. Poetry helps to calm me. The blue pills are the sleeping pills I usually take but really I know better. I have a list that I made through a lot of painstaking research of common medications and how much to take to commit suicide. My doctor won't give me enough of my sleeping pills for me to succeed that way.