According to Flaubert's satirical Dictionary of Received Ideas,"A fine career, but beset with difficulties and full of mystery. Suitable only for aristocrats. A profession of vague importance, though superior to trade. Diplomats are always subtle and shrewd."

According to Ambrose Bierce, "The patriotic art of lying for one's country."

According to Will Rogers, "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."

This last one has also been credited in previous write-ups to people called Wynn Catlin and bumper sticker. I don't know who actually said it, but I include my candidate here in case (a) it was him and (b) the previous rather slender nodes find themselves missing one day.