I received this email a few months back…
Warning, warning, disclaimer required
"WAR ON TERROR NOT OVER YET" EMPEROR DECLARES
CORUSCANT-Presiding over a memorial service commemorating the victims of
the attack on the Death Star, the Emperor declared that while recent
victories over the Rebel Alliance were "encouraging, the War on Terror is
not over yet."
"We will continue to fight these terrorists, and the rogue governments who
harbour them, until the universe is safe, once and for all, and the
security of the Neo-New Cosmik Order ensured."
It was one year ago today that the Death Star, perhaps the greatest symbol
of the Empire's might, was destroyed in an attack by fanatic Rebels, who
used small, single-person crafts to infiltrate seemingly impenetrable
defences. Thousands of mourners were on hand to remember and pay tribute
to the victims and their families.
"We lost our innocence that day," reflected one mourner. "I guess we
thought we were immune from the kind of violence that happens in other
galaxies. We were wrong." "I lost hundreds of buddies that day," said one
teary-eyed Stormtrooper. "Guys whose only crime was trying make the
Universe a safer place."
Although the day was coloured by sadness, the mourners found some relief in
the news of a decisive victory over the Rebels. In an attack led by Darth
Vader, Empire forces were able to rout hundreds of Rebels from a network
of caves underneath the surface of the planet Hoth. "We're not sure we
got them all," says a Vader spokesman. "There are a lot of places to hide
in those caves. But we've delivered a powerful blow to the terrorist's
infrastructure, that's for sure. Today, the Empire has struck back."
Initial reports are unclear as to the fate of Luke Skywalker, a hero among
the Rebels, who is rumoured to have delivered the fatal blow to the Death
Star. Skywalker, a former desert-dweller from the planet Tattooine,
became a part of the Rebellion after family members were killed. Skywalker
was trained by a militant wing of the Rebels, known as "Jedi Knights."
Fanatical in their religious beliefs, the Jedi Knights claim to derive
their power from the mystical "Force."
It's believed that Skywalker was specifically trained by infamous
Terrorist O bin Wankanobi. Wankanobi, occasionally called "Ben" and
easily recognised by his bearded visage and long, flowing robes, achieved
near-martyr status among the Rebels after his death last year during a spy
mission.
His more fervent followers believe that Wankanobi lives on within them
today, some even claiming to hear his voice during times of duress. The
attack on the Death Star came shortly after the Empire's destruction of
Alderaan, a planet whose government was known to harbour terrorists.
Responding to criticism over the total annihilation of the planet, Vader
stated, "There is no middle ground in the War on Terror. Those who harbour
terrorists are terrorists themselves. Alderaan was issued ample warning.
The fight for continuing Freedom is often burdened by terrible cost."
The cost of this war can still be seen today in the continuing efforts to
build a coalition government on Tattooine. Longstanding animosities among
the planets various ethnic groups, including the Jawas, Tusken Raiders and
scattered human settlers, have been an impediment to the peace process.
The Empire continues to maintain a small peace keeping force until a
provisional government is finally in place.
Much of the difficulty in fighting the Rebel forces stems from their lack
of a central organising structure. "They don't play by the traditional
rules of war," complained one spokesman. "They come in all shapes and
sizes, united only by their single-minded desire to destroy the Empire
before it destroys them."
The Emperor closed his comments today by stating that "the cowardly attack
on the Death Star left a deep scar on the Empire. However, we will not
stop fighting until every last evil doer has been brought to justice." He
paused for several moments, wiping away a tear and then added with
determination, "We will never forget."
"I wish we could all just get along," said one of the mourners. "But it's
hard to offer an olive branch to a cult of religious fanatics whose main
tool is violence and who insist on calling us the Dark Side."
No, it’s not trolling. I could rant and rave about the system, about my government racing cap in hand to be a US lackey and committing this country to a war that most of it’s citizens do not agree with. But what would that achieve? If I put it eloquently, a few people will nod, a few upvote, and those that disagree won’t change their minds anytime soon. We’ve heard it all before. We’ve made up our minds. But at least there's a grim giggle from the horror, and maybe hopefully someone, somewhere, will see things from another point of view
Pee ess Yes, I know it looks a tad insensitive here. But it seems appropriate. If someone can come up with somewhere EQUALLY RELEVANT to move it to, /msg me.