Please do not underestimate her, for if you do you will have missed so much.
There is a lot about her that she doesn’t like to share. She has her reasons. Don’t ask about those either. Sometimes words fail her. She tries to speak and they get jumbled for no reason. It makes her speech cautious at times. Yet she talks all the time about meaningless things, just so she won’t have to talk about what really matters. The things that never pass her lips are the things she feels the most deeply. Watch her eyes. They will tell you what you need to know. Watch her smile. It will give away even more.
Sometimes her heart feels like it is going to burst because of all the love it has welled up inside. She cannot begin to describe her capacity to love. Do not confuse it with her being in love. It is not the same. She can love someone completely and unconditionally without ever slipping into that moment. There was a time in her life where she felt safe and warm inside the arms of strangers because they would sing gently to her, and wipe the tears from her face. She is just passing on what they taught her.
She gets overwhelmed by people the first time. She is an observer until she is comfortable. Some people misinterpret this- they think it is her being aloof. But she watches everything so closely that there isn’t time for her to be involved.
She thinks that she makes people uneasy at times. Some have seen her as intimidating and they were not afraid to share this with her. This troubles her greatly, even though many years have passed.
Ever greater than her capacity to love is her capacity to forgive. Sometimes she does it when she knows she shouldn’t, but she does it anyway. Her compassion is nearly saintly. She remembers The Lord’s Prayer even though she doesn’t consider herself Christian.
Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
Her willpower can be, at times, iron strong.
Her psychic told her that she was an old soul who was pissed off about having to stay here on this plane. The psychic also told her she would leave her mark on the world and that there was a book under her fingertips. She wonders everyday if the psychic is right.
She likes the metallic taste of her blood when she accidentally scratches a scab off. She likes the chemical smell of gasoline even though prolonged exposure causes cancer. She likes to wake up early in the morning and listen to the sound of the waves and the sound of a thunderstorm in the distance. She likes to sleep with her make-up on because she likes how it looks the morning after. She has matching bras and knickers that are made of velvet, and she likes to wear them because of the reaction they get.
She has been asleep.
She is starting to wake up.
She is like an onion- layer of cells upon layers of cells. She is waiting for someone to peel her apart.