It's interesting thinking about how many out of all the loads and loads and megaloads of noders read my daylogs and the other stuff I actually managed to keep from being eaten by Klaproth. There are so many people here, it blows my mind! This is part of the reason I like the internet, even though I'll have to be switching to some sort of DSL soon. The net gives me a direct connection with... humanity. Yeah, I am pretty familiar with Moore County and stuff, but where I live, there are loads of people I may never meet.

I used to be bothered by the fact that I know I can never live long enough to experience everything there is, but now that I am online at home, it almost seems like I have more to live for now because I can talk with people I may never be able to visit. I cried yesterday because I thought my old video-game systems felt neglected since I started taking up so much time with my computer. How foolish is that? But that's the way I feel.

I am scared. I have actually found something that scares me. I have no idea what I would do if my Mom died anytime soon. I don't know what is supposed to happen with this God-forsaken land situation when I turn 21. I don't make enough at my current job to support myself and my brother without Mom's help, and moving is totally out of the question right now. Even if I did move, I would have to take so much stuff with me, I have no idea how I would get it accomplished, or even where I might go.

Furthermore, I lack a sense of direction. This is one reason I am so badly wanting to find a good, decent, happy little woman to love and cherish, because I feel that if I could find a mate who could "complete" me, so to speak, she could give me a sense of direction, and then I would go at it 100% to make our dreams a reality.

Damn I'm lonely!

If anyone has a kind or supportive word, please don't hesitate to send it my way. I will also listen to constructive criticism if anyone has any idea how I can avoid stagnation. Otherwise, we'll call it a night, and I'm about to go in for third shift, which is 11:00 at night til 7:00 the next morning where I work at.

Tomorrow maybe we'll discuss the bravery of the noders of E2.