September 4, 2006 (idea)

Firstly, I think it is way cool how this place has an experience system that lets you level up. When I submit this writeup, I should level up, making me level 2, which I believe will bestow upon me the ability to upvote/downvote.

My love overseas has pissed me off terribly bad, so I showed her the consequences. I doubt I'll be hearing from her for a while...

Maybe it's all for the good. The woman is stubborn, ridiculously sarcastic, pompously self-righteous, the Navy has changed her... and not like fall leaves, either.

Perhaps I should take a moment or two to elighten any of you who have been following my recent daylogs about this whole situation with my dearheart.

Back in High School, I remember when my Mom would always say "Don't ever get with anybody, you have too much of your father in you. Your wife will hate you and your children will despise you." I have since then come to realize that she is simply letting her bitterness talk, as she knows she will never be with another man, and has completely and totally given up on romance. But when I was 14-19 years old, these words were far less than the encouragement I felt I needed. So I got desperate. I fell in love with a girl in the marching band. She was a late bloomer (I myself have yet to "bloom"... are we on the same page, here?), and I believe I scared her with my talk of undying devotion and loyalty. It was a little deep for her very non-romantic (surprising, for a girl) heart to accept, and she fled.

Sometime early in our senior year, I having decided to leave her alone completely some months previously, she came to me, and wanted to spark a friendship. I would buy her lunch, and we would talk about video games and anime and cool books and stuff. Then graduation day came.

Over the summer, my best friend moved to Tennessee, and this was harsh on me. One day, said girl from band had called me, and was trying to cheer me up, and suddenly she said: "Why don't you come over here?"

Alright, cool, I thought. I get to see her house, her stuff, her family, etc. This started us on a pattern of visiting one another. Shortly after a mutal female friend of ours joined the Navy, band girl said she was going in, too. We spent most of the time before she went to boot camp together having our usual innocent fun.

One of my most notable memories of this time was when I went and ate chinese food with her, this was the first time in my life I had chinese food, and I was 19 at the time. That night, when we got back to her house, we were in her room. I was watching her play Final Fantasy X, when she abruptly got up and started putting lip gloss on. I watched her pretty lips as she applied it, and did that little thing girls always do when they are done with lipstick or gloss to make sure it is spread evely. And out of the blue I popped the question:

"Can I kiss you?" I had never kissed anyone, had no idea how, but I knew I wanted to kiss her. She looked at me strangely for a minute before saying "Like Brandon White did?"

"No, not like that, just mouth to mouth, no tongue or anything."

She said no. I thought this was terribly unfair, because I did just buy her an expensive chinese meal, and at least I had the decency to ask. Brandon White hadn't done shit for her, and she let him french kiss the hell out of her once, without him even asking, just because she was "curious."

Well, bummer. But I got over it. She went to boot camp, a month or two later, she was back and in much better shape, but not much different spiritually. We continued our escapades, me writing stories, her illustrating them, and all that other fun stuff we did, when she finally said, "I get to go to Japan!"

Japan is a place she has always wanted to go. And she got her wish. I went with her and our other friends the night she went to the airport. It was the last time I hugged her and looked into her eyes. I didn't care if it gave me false hope to do so or not. She hugged me more tightly than she hugged her own father. Then she turned around and got on the plane.

It has been about 7 months since then, and we have been communicating through email regularly. I have noticed that all our other friends get the "Oh hi how have you been" emails, while she saves all the deep, intricately detailed ones for me. Well, having recently visited this girls best friend (the one that first went into the Navy), she advised me to try to make a move. I said I didn't want to because I knew it would just cause band girl to freak out again like she did in High School.

I was right. Nobody has faith in my intelligence! So now we are arguing again, and as I said earlier, if I get a reply any time soon, it will either be out of luck, or because she wants to fuss at me some more.

I don't care. I was going to be patient and wait for her to realize that I have been the one who was always there, but to hell with it! Maybe she was right. Maybe she isn't worth wasting my life for her to come to her senses. Plenty of other fish in the sea, and all. Well, time to bait my hook, I guess. That's really a bad way to put it, I know, but I am only human. I need company just like anyone else. And so much of my time feels wasted these days. My best friend did end up coming back to North Carolina with me, but we are in such positions now that I don't get to see him much anymore. I have been meaning to have a serious talk with him about the turns our lives have taken recently. Also, he is considering getting contacts and cutting his hair. If he cuts his hair, it will break our "contract." In the tenth grade, we took a vow to grow our hair long together. That was in 2002, and as you can imagine, our hair is pretty long by now. A few people even think we're brothers, but we have obvious differences. His eyes are hazel, mine are blue, he wears a mustache and chops, I keep a clean shave (and always have since I was old enough to start shaving), he has sheer brute force, I have staying power, etc.

But yes, I am fortunate enough to be off on this Labor Day (even though I had to sleep half the day because I just got off work at 7 this morning!). I will likely spend the rest of the day doing laudry and messing around on the internet. I never cease to be amazed at all one can see on this wonderful site that is E2.