WARNING! GET YOUR STINKING SPOILERS OFF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!
Title: Terror Incognita, Part I: Came the Pale Riders
Release Date: August 2001
Writer: Mark WaidPenciller: Bryan HitchInker: Paul NearyJLA Members: Superman,
Batman,
Wonder Woman,
Green Lantern,
the Flash,
the Martian Manhunter, and
Plastic Man.
Guest Stars: Lois Lane,
Perry White, and
Nightwing.
Bad Guys: the
White Martians.
Cameos: Jimmy Olsen.
So what happens?It all starts in
Denver, Colorado, where the Martian Manhunter's alter ego, detective John Jones, is tracking a
serial killer, but when he corners him in an alley, J'onn suddenly finds himself back home in the long-destroyed
Martian civilization. He quickly realizes that it's all a mental
illusion, but by then he is attacked and subdued by a bunch of Martians sporting extra
mouths on their chests. Clearly, the
diabolical White Martians are back...
Meanwhile, at the offices of the
Daily Planet in Metropolis, Lois Lane is investigating a sudden
oxygen depletion case in
Grover's Mill, New Jersey that nearly asphyxiated a bunch of people. But she's suddenly overcome by a
compulsion to stroll over to
Clark Kent in the middle of the newsroom, attempt to initiate
nookie, then pull Clark's shirt open, revealing his Superman costume underneath. Damn, sounds like
mind control, don't it?
Meanwhile, in
Gotham City, Batman and Nightwing are investigating the claims of
psychics that they're being stalked by
ghosts. While Batman swings over to rescue a
fortuneteller who's jumped off a building to escape the ghosts, Nightwing is suddenly overcome by a
compulsion to cut the Dark Knight's rope, sending Batman and the fortuneteller tumbling earthward. Hmmm, more
mind control, I reckon...
Meanwhile, in
Murmansk, Russia, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, the Flash, and Plastic Man are attempting to bring
relief to the city, which has been without food and power for almost a week. Wonder Woman and Plastic Man work on
crowd control, Green Lantern creates giant
spotlights to light the city, and Flash uses his superspeed powers to vibrate the molecules of the city's statues so they'll radiate
heat. Only thing is, the air seems unexpectedly
thin, Flash is having trouble building up enough
speed to heat up the statues, and a group of engineers have decided to power up a decommissioned
nuclear power plant. No sooner does
that news come out, then there's a bright flash of
light nearby...
(And stupid-ass thing #1: Wonder Woman doesn't have her golden tiara. Someone throws off some explanation that due to a political shakeup among the Amazons, Wondy is no longer a princess of Paradise Island. Is that some official situation in the Wonder Woman comics? Is that something cooked up for this particular storyline? Hell if I know. A bit more detail would be nice, 'cause this confused the hell outta me...)Meanwhile, back in
Metropolis, Clark and Lois try to cook up some way to explain away the big red "S" Clark wears under his suit. Lois whispers to Clark to locate someone in the office wearing a
gray T-shirt--when she pulls the guy's jacket off, Clark grabs some pens and draws a Batman
insignia on the T-shirt at superspeed. Then Lois claims to be Wonder Woman and opens her
blouse, but Clark doesn't grab her a
solid gold bustier. Ho ho ho, those
wacky kids. Anyway, Clark tells everyone that Lois is doped up on
cold medication and he's taking her home to rest. When they leave, Lois tells Clark that she thinks her mind was being controlled by someone else...
(And stupid-ass thing #2: How was that dumb rigamarole supposed to convince anyone that CK wasn't Superman? Just 'cause Lois is hallucinating, does that mean everyone's gonna assume they're also hallucinating that blue, red, and gold costume under Clark's shirt? Gawd. And the guy in the gray T-shirt's gonna start yelling, "Hey, I don't own a Batman T-shirt! Somebody drew this bat on my shirt at superspeed! Hey, Clark Kent's really just Superman with a pair of glasses on! How gullible are we?!")And back in Gotham, Batman is able to
rescue himself and the fortuneteller, and Nightwing tells him that (wait for it) he thinks he was being mind-controlled...
Meanwhile, in Murmansk, there's a big
mushroom cloud in the sky, and the city's getting blown to hell... except for where Green Lantern has just thrown an
impenetrable dome protecting most of the residents. Of course, it's a terrific strain on GL, and it's taking all of his
concentration to keep
nuclear devastation from getting through his shield. So does anyone want to tell me why all the Murmanskians are now trying to fight the superheroes and break Green Lantern's concentration? Can you say "Mind Control"? I knew you could.
Finally, we visit
Phoenix, Arizona, where the White Martians are holding and preparing to
torture the Martian Manhunter. Umm. Really, that's about it. One of 'em has a
really big brain, but nothing much really happens. Umm. Sorry.
Back | Index | Forward