Autofellatio (thing)

Autofellatio is the name given to the art of sucking your own cock. This can only be performed by the very flexible and extremely lucky individual.

I first heard about this in Secondary School. That's High School for you Yanks. It started like an urban myth. I mean was it really possible? Of course we wouldn't admit to each other that we'd gone home that night to attempt it, and all failed miserably. I for one couldn't get near the thing. One of my mates has sinced admitted he got to touch it with his tongue. Man that's gross!

The technique advocated was the "walking down the wall" one. You got naked, or if you were worried about your parents coming in, just unzipped your flies and laid on your bed, your head nearest the wall, your feet furthest away from it. You then brought your feet over your head and placed them on the wall, then slowly walked down bringing the offending object towards your mouth.

One myth that started up at this point, was that someone had attempted this and succeeded, unfortunately they had then broken their neck and died. Their mum then walked into the room some time later to be confronted with this horrific scene.

This myth goes along the same lines as the kid who came home from school, and was laying on their bed with their headphones on listening to some loud music. They then decided to crack one off, and closed their eyes to fantasize about whatever. When they next opened their eyes their dinner was next to them on a tray. Isn't that nice? Mummy didn't even disturb them.

Oh God I've ruined my life!