Infatuation.
I want to touch you.. I can't stop thinking about you, about your body, about how warm and solid you were those few times we've touched. Brushed accidentally-on-purpose; tangled in seemingly innocent pillowfights, tickle wars; leaned almost imperceptibly against each other watching television, ever so slowly falling closer - as if neither will notice if it happens slowly. Finding excuses to touch one another, to feel an arm, touch a face, pat a leg.
We both know it, and yet... Do we? Are we both thinking the same things, or is it a projection of my mind? I have not seen you with other people - are you the same way, are you just comfortable with your personal space? Do you think the same of me?
I sit and daydream when I should be busy with work and education, thinking of the things I would like to do to you, would like to do with you, would like you to do to me. I know there are more pressing matters at hand, there are things I should be doing, and yet.. I am so distracted. I lose track of time easily to begin with - what is meant to be a brief meeting with you so often turns into a long night, the hormones so thick you could cut the very air with a knife. We meet, we grow reaccustomed to each others' presence, and find ourselves closer with every passing moment.
And yet, I am a coward.
Eyes meet, dark with shared thoughts - or are they? Again, am I simply projecting my infatuation upon you? Or am I blind for thinking so? I have been so blind before, I am told. But I am afraid to take the chance, for the small risk that I may be wrong, that I will be turned away. I know I am wrong for putting off taking the risk, leaving it to you to close the gap, as it were, and yet...
I wanted to be the aggressor - in my thoughts, in my daydreams and fantasies during the day, sometimes I am. But thoughts are not life, and fantasies are not real unless you make them so. I only wish I had the nerve!
*sigh*
Until we meet again. I will try harder next time.