Number One Son has paraded through the living room with the latest copy of
Consumer Reports The sky blue cover blares
Let's Eat Out in shrieking yellow. I laugh at his silliness and tell him not till next payday. He wants to go to Red Lobster for his graduation dinner. Something that real life keeps putting us off with getting cracked windshields and mowed down mailboxes repaired.
Husband has reviewed the results of my test and made (in good humor) fun of my math scores (6.9 grade level and a recommendation for remedial work and to 'use a calculator') No surprise to me I joke back it's kind of scarey considering I do the bills and manage the money. He hasn't accepted my disability and the test is evidence he can't dispute. I can see sometimes in his eyes. 'Can I live the rest of my life with this person?' It's understandable, one that everyone considers after 20 years of marriage. Only for him I wonder if he wants the girl back that he fell in love with. I have been changed against all our expectations and it is difficult for him, as the person who he is, to participate fully in what I'm going through. He has limitations as I have mine.
Acceptance~ That is the nitty–gritty of any successful realtionship in life. I did not plan on having an illness that redefined my life.
I can't discuss it with him right now because I'm trying to come to terms with the evaluation and and remove myself from personalizing it so I can see it objectivley as an indicator as to where I am and what I want to see happen next.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Woud it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"--
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: "That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all."