Sinchan Das
Sinchan Das, known to close associates simply as The Doctor, is a true polymath. Not only is Dr. Das an accomplished healer and musician, but also a renowned scientist and a brilliant inventor. His private cell number was on the speed dial of Steve Jobs, who had met The Doctor at a spiritual retreat, and who highly valued The Doctor's unerring gift for design1.
Each of us owes a great debt to The Doctor for his many remarkable accomplishments. As a sworn protector of Earth, The Doctor has prevented many tragedies, often working in secret. The Doctor is an unrivaled Master of Disguise, traveling incognito about the globe to do good works. In North America The Doctor often travels as "China Sands," a perky employee of the U.S. National Park Service. This identity was most notably used after the 1980 Mount St. Helens eruption. Unbeknownst to the general public, this deadly eruption was almost much worse, nearly serving as the trigger for the long-feared devastating eruption of the Yellowstone supervolcano2. Fortunately one The Doctor's numerous side interests is plate tectonics and his detailed, if controversial, analysis allowed him to predict the impending cataclysm. In his disguise as China, The Doctor traveled to Yellowstone and soothed the savage volcano gods with a virtuoso performance of classic music. The perfectly wrought tones caused the welling magma to subside and are generally held to have delayed a devastating eruption by at least fifty years. Truly music has charms to soothe the even the savagery of Gaia herself!
So too has The Doctor wrought miracles on the diplomatic stage. Some of the greatest accomplishments of the modern era have been The Doctor's while in disguise as one world leader or another (or in one remarkable instance as two, in a particularly impressive feat3 whose story cannot yet be safely told). Yet the Doctor seeks no recognition for these feats, eschewing the collection of Nobel prizes that would otherwise be his due. Indeed, nearly a dozen of the entries listed in Everything Quests: The Nobel Prize winners are the work of The Doctor in whole or in part.
Even now The Doctor is said to be working on plans for an elaborate carbon sink which will avert the looming climate change crisis4. If it is so, we can rest easy knowing that the unparalleled intellect of the modern era is on the job.
References and sources:
- I heard the Jobs story from a guy who works at Google who knows some Apple people who swear it's true.
- The Yellowstone Supervolcano is so totally a thing that terrorists wanted to use it. But The Doctor stopped them too!
- Even WikiLeaks can't print the details of The Doctor's diplomatic adventures, but one day it will all come out.
- A nice young lady raising money for Greenpeace told me about it.
Do you know any good stories about The Doctor? Add them here! Let us all grow in enlightenment through admiration of The Doctor's innumerable accomplishments.