Many a V-Day in the past have I spent alone, so I have come up with many the activity to pass the time, I just thought I
would pass on a few of my
favorites for those less fortunate than myself, unless of course you enjoy sitting in your
bedroom weeping into a
box of chocolates (probably the one you bought for an intended sweetie who has since
snubbed
you..)
1. Enjoy a
nice day outside. The fresh
air will do you
good, and as you walk around you'll notice all the happy
couples, and
the flower carts on every
corner, this will further your belief that "all the good ones are taken" and/or "I don't have a
chance in
hell" and it's always nice to be proven
right. This should bring your
despair level to a peak. At times you may be
tempted to
walk up to one of these happy couples and
slap one of them silly (usually it's the one speaking "
baby talk" to
their
partner loud enough that it can be heard by passers-by), please feel free to do this, as it will make you feel better,
as an added
bonus, the endorphine/adenaline rush you get after running away at
high speeds from the person you have
assaulted will make you feel on top of the
world
2. Go to the
gym, it should be near
empty as most others will be getting a work-out of a different sort. You will have free
reign of the machines, and the next day you will be in so much pain that you will be spared from having see all of those
attractive people who will be there trying to work off the 3
ounces they gaines from eating one too many
butter-creme.
3. Hop on the
internet, log into any
IRC channel you see fit (the ones with "flirt" or "Love" in the names are best for the
following purpose), after you have become nauseated with the flood of ASCII
roses, stupid pop-ups and enough cute
/action commands, type in a good twelve
lines about how
stupid these people are and how they should go out and find a
real person to
date, tell them that the only
reason you are these is that you are stuck at
work (or some other viable
excuse). This need not be
true, but it will make you feel
good because at least you're not them.
4. Buy cinnamon hearts (those little
red ones that are so prevelant around this time of year), and I mean a lot of them.
cinnamon hearts have a uniqe property that when they become damp they will stick to anything with a
force rivaling
super glue (it is
rumored that cinnimon hearts were developed with the intention of creating a new surgical
adhesive). Take
your time in a public park covering an entire
statue (
bench or other such
park fixture) completely in cinnamon
hearts. If
anyone stops you tell them it's in the name of
love, and begin pelting them with the aforementiond candies. This should
kill
a few
hours, and the resulting red-sticky residue will be around for months as
rain does it's lovely work.
5. Chocolate is
cheap around V-day, this is a great
opportunity to
test many of the scientific theories about chocolate. Buy
as much as you can, and begin eating around 8 AM, don't stop till well in the
afternoon. After you come down from the
combination
sugar/
caffeine rush (or get back from the
stomach pumping station at your local
hospital) publish your results
on the
internet, claim loudly that
chocolate will never be better than
sex, and
complain about how you had to waste such a
precious
holiday to prove such a point.
6. Buy an old set of
army fatigues and the
semi-automatic rifle of your choice, (for extra fun, add a
bayonet) and go down
to a local german resturaunt (Gustav's comes to mind, but that's only because of the ads I have to see every time I sit
down in the local
movie theatre). If you can, gather some
friends to go with you. Perform a strategic
assault on the
resturaunt, and take the staff hostage, inform the
customers that they have been freed and can go (trust me, it's
german
food, most will be appreciative), take the
owners and
staff...oh wait, this should be in the "
Fun things to do on
VE-Day,
SORRY