Have you considered buying Old Glory Robot Insurance?
I often get solicitation mail from the company my pension is through. My agent is appalled that I, a single male who can't have and does not want children, don't want to take out a big life insurance policy on myself. It's a small town, so I bump into him often, and the conversation always goes the same:
"Have you thought about --"
"Don't need it, Mike. Don't bother asking."
"What about your family?"
"No dependents."
"But your other loved ones?"
"My parents and my brothers? I'm not giving them motive . . ."
"How will they pay for your burial?"
"With the money I didn't spend on life insurance."
That shuts him up.
So today I get this letter from Mike. It looks like a customer service survey at first glance. It's even got a postage-paid envelope and they're offering a free calculator if you reply. I don't need the calculator; I already have seven of the same one from drug reps. But I look over the survey anyway. The questions become more and more obviously aimed at preying on people's financial insecurities:
"I feel confident that I will be able to meet the rising costs of college."
"I feel confident that my family will be able to make ends meet if something tragic were to happen to me."
"I feel confident that I will be able to meet rising healthcare costs as I age."
"I feel confident that my family will be able to remain in our home if something tragic were to happen to me."
"I feel confident that I will be able to meet my retirement goals."
Et cetera.
So let's break down what the survey was trying to tell me: "Prices are spiralling out of your control. You're getting old. You're gonna die. Your family will be homeless. Also, you're getting old and you're gonna die. A meteorite is chilling out above your house waiting for you to get in the shower, then it's comin' for ya. Are you confident now?"
Yes, Mike. Yes I am. I don't need you to call me for a
consultation. I can handle it. I
live below my means. I
diversify my portfolio. I have an
emergency fund and the exact amount of insurance I actually need. I
am confident.
Thanks for asking.