I am a male so this is not an abuse case.
She lied to me about me and now worst of all she believes her own lies. Two years later and I still struggle to engage in a normal relationship. I can no longer feel passionate about anything. I hurt, but it's not abuse!
It started that I sometimes I felt obligated to have sex the way she wanted, when she wanted though I couldn't say why. But it grew into a non-stop emotional barrage. No one has a mum able to inspire strength to carry on like I do and it didn't wash with me even as her manipulations grew worse.
I had to endure frequently criticisms and when I suggested a certain male younger than her was after her I was told off for being foolish. I felt unable to ask a man who had once been a close friend to move out and felt like a prisoner in my own home. It was my name on the lease - I had every right to live there and yet I would come home in terror that the doors would be locked and the key barrel changed or that'd I find them "at it"... everyday for five months. I new this younger "man" (man I say hark at me he's still little more than a boy) was trying to muscle in on my role as dad too.
I was emotionally afraid of my wife. She would regularly humiliate in front of family or friends setting me up to look as if I was having a breakdown under the stain of "our poor relationship" which was my fault (apparently). She would undermine my very sanity. Yet I knew my suspicions were true much as I wanted to deny them.
My daughter was not even dead one year and my son was still tiny when the storm finally broke. She suspected she was pregnant. Logic told me it could not be mine, that requires sex. All her attempts to force me to leave by regularly dumping my clothes outside had failed and now the truth had come out.
They bolted, taking my son with them.
Yet the bitch was only getting warmed up. She toyed back and forth trying to encourage hope in me that she'd return. Once she came in and dropped an emotional bombshell by handing over our son and saying she wasn't a good enough mother and then crying and weeping and begging me not to take him away from her then she left with him.
She left me with so many bills I lived on £4 a fortnight at one point paying them off. But pay them off I damn well did. Funnily no one was interested in helping the failed husband like they were interested in helping the grieving dad.
I found out then that:
She then proceeded to use everything she had to get at me for not bending to her will. I have been denied the right to see my son so regularly that now as his third birthday approaches I see him every 14 days. She taught him to call her current boyfriend daddy. She fails to feed my son sufficiently so that he has been diagnosed with anemia and several other blood disorders. I have also logged no less than four other distinct signs of childhood trauma in him.
The boyfriend has left messages on my answer phone threatening to murder me - oh for the chance, oh that the little shite would just try, I'd love that so much. He has assailed my family with offensive mail making all manor of untrue statements aimed only to hurt. His name - her words.
But you see I am male, this is not abuse.
I find out that they smoke drugs around my boy and that he beats him and yet UK law says he is better off with her because I'm male. They disregard court orders at whim but that's ok he's with his mother, he's better off with his mother - Oh Really? I beg to differ.
So it's not any kind of abuse I shouldn't wake up nights or need the odd day away from all other humans. It's not over yet and no one will care if it was.
Why should I need help to recover from two years of abusive marriage and two years of abusive follow up. I'm 6'3" a tall strapping lad and she's tiny. When she says I hit her to get at me who do they believe? How dare I say that I'm the victim of abuse? Don't I know there are people with real problems?
Regardless of anything you read or hear the attitude of the world at large is that a female can never in any way hurt a male.