Sixty Rounds of Pleasure
Cast
WOMAN and MAN. Average people in a successful long-term
relationship.
Props
two CHAIRs -- The chairs should have flat, square
seats, so they can be pushed together to resemble a sofa
a small, low TABLE -- serves as a coffee table
a woman's COAT
a woman's PURSE
a NEWSPAPER
a gunnery TARGET with a nicely clustered set
of bullet holes. This may be represented by drawing the
shape of a human head and torso on a large sheet of
sturdy paper. Color in the head and torso black with a
magic marker. Alternatively, make a ringed target. For
bullet holes, burn some holes with a cigarette. (Or, if
you have trouble with that, message me and I'll mail you
a real target.)
Costumes
1. INT. LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
FADE IN:
The LIVING ROOM is represented by the paired CHAIRS and
the TABLE in front of them. The TABLE has a loosely
folded NEWSPAPER on top of it, along with the TARGET,
which should not be prominent.
WOMAN, wearing a COAT and carrying a PURSE, enters
from STAGE RIGHT.
WOMAN
(somewhat harried; calls offstage)
Hey, love, I'm home!
The WOMAN removes her COAT, puts down her PURSE, and
visibly changes gears out of the ratrace, happy to be
home. She begins to flip through the NEWSPAPER.
The MAN enters from STAGE LEFT. It is his day off, and he
is smiling a slight, yet noticeable, post-orgasmic sort
of smile.
The WOMAN looks up from the NEWSPAPER. She is tired and
has not yet categorized the smile.
WOMAN
Hi, hon!
The MAN sits next to the WOMAN and returns her greeting
in a soft murmur. (Response may be audibly adlibbed but
should be very affectionate.) They kiss. The MAN massages
the WOMAN's shoulders. The WOMAN expresses appreciation
and the NEWSPAPER is forgotten.
WOMAN
(luxuriating)
Have you enjoyed your day off?
MAN
(still smiling)
Mmmmm-hmmmmm.... How was work?
WOMAN
Enhhhh...okay, I guess. I missed you when I
came home for lunch, though -- where were you?
A beat, then the WOMAN processes the weird smile. She
cocks an eyebrow at MAN with vague suspicion.
WOMAN
(confused)
What... have you been doing?
MAN
(grin brightens; rubs the front of his
right shoulder during these next lines as
though it were sore)
Jason and I tried out his brand-new AK-47. He
just kept setting me up with more rounds. Man,
that thing has a kick like you wouldn't
believe!
(MAN's voice trails off, happily. It's
a guy thing.)
The light now dawns for the WOMAN. She rolls her eyes
to herself a tetch; perhaps a bit of relief that that's
all it was.
WOMAN
(boys-will-be-boys tone)
So, was it good for you?
MAN
(smile broadens)
Ohhh yeahhhh....
The MAN takes the TARGET from the TABLE and proudly
displays it to the WOMAN. The WOMAN reacts.
WOMAN
(relieved, amused, and sardonic all at once)
Nice grouping.
The MAN beams happily.
The WOMAN touches the MAN tauntingly, lightly tracing
the MAN's right shoulder (where he had been rubbing
earlier) with fingers. The MAN reacts; they embrace and kiss.
FADE TO DARK, AS WE HEAR:
WOMAN
This time, I wanna fire the AK-47.
END SCENE
Note: This is a mostly true story. After the writing, I learned that the gun was actually an AR-15, which, with talent, allows far tighter groupings than the AK-47. I left it as an AK-47 in the play, though, since it's a much more widely recognized gun.
Nostalgia can be dangerous
PLACE: Indoors.
TIME: The years 1980 and 2005.
CHARACTERS:
Person: An adult man or woman.
Audience: A person representing a young, highly impressionable child. Audience should watch the interchange of other players as if watching television.
Traditional Cookie Monster and Modern Cookie Monster: The cookie monsters can be played by one or two people. If two people are casted, the person playing Modern Cookie Monster should have larger hands than the person playing Traditional Cookie Monster. The players could use food coloring to dye their dominant hands blue if desired, but otherwise, just crouch down (use a barrier if possible) and have at with a sock or your bare hand. They are to be emulating the classic "Cookie Monster" of Sesame Street (tm) fame.
PROPS:
A large COOKIE.
A small ITEM -- a cellphone or pack of matches would do; it is meant to represent a blood sugar testing device.
A CARROT, with greens attached; score it with a sharp knife to make it easy to break up.
1. INT ROOM - DAYTIME
Lights up on PERSON, TRADITIONAL COOKIE MONSTER, and AUDIENCE.
PERSON: I have something for you, Cookie Monster!
TRADITIONAL COOKIE MONSTER (eagerly): Is it coooooo-kies?
PERSON: Yes!
PERSON gives cookie to TRADITIONAL COOKIE MONSTER.
TRADITIONAL COOKIE MONSTER (eating with exuberant abandon; feel free to adlib): Ahhhh!!! Num-num-num-num! COOO-KIE! Me love cooo-kie!
AUDIENCE reacts during this sequence.
LIGHTS down.
LIGHTS up on PERSON, MODERN COOKIE MONSTER, and AUDIENCE. MODERN COOKIE MONSTER isn't well.
PERSON: I have something for you, Cookie Monster!
MODERN COOKIE MONSTER (heavily): Is it coooooo-kie?
PERSON: Yes!
MODERN COOKIE MONSTER: Me no eat that right now. Can you help me test me blood sugar?
AUDIENCE reacts.
PERSON (taken aback): What? Um... sure.
PERSON takes ITEM, presses it against MODERN COOKIE MONSTER's wrist.
MODERN COOKIE MONSTER: Ouch!
PERSON: Sorry. It's (peers at ITEM) a bit high.
MODERN COOKIE MONSTER: Damn. Me feet hurt. Me tired. Me have sores that won't heal.
PERSON: What can I do?
MODERN COOKIE MONSTER: Give me that instead?
PERSON pulls CARROT into view.
PERSON: You mean this?
MODERN COOKIE MONSTER (rousing interest): Now that's what me is talking about. (grows energetic) Arrrrr!!! NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM.....
LIGHTS dim, but do not go out.
AUDIENCE reacts. (Adlib, if anything is said.)
LIGHTS down.
END SCENE