Abortions are not a fun thing to go through. I remember how happy I was, taking
that
pregnancy test and knowing in my heart, as the two lines appeared, that
I would be a
mother. I didn't know how I would pull it off, being only 16, but
I would try my best. I went to the doctor and was told that for
health reasons,
I should have an abortion, and that if I decided not to have one, there was a
good chance I would die.
So, a month later, on February 24th, I found myself lying to my mother, waving
goodbye, and walking out of the house to my boyfriend's car that was waiting
to take me away to an abortion clinic towns and towns away, where no one knew
me and no one cared.
I waited for six hours in that lobby. I remember walking inside the back
room when they called my name and sitting in the chair, letting them take my
blood pressure, temperature, and then stab my finger with a pin for a sample
of blood to test. "You're Rh-," she said. "That will cost an
extra 50$ for the shot." I sighed and nodded, and went back into the lobby
and waited. A little while later, they called me in and performed an ultrasound,
telling me that I was 13 weeks and 4 days pregnant. I could still have the
easier vacuum abortion, they told me. They would lay me down, insert small
rods into my cervix to open it wide enough, then insert a vacuum tube with
a metal end into my uterus to clean it out. Had it been 14 weeks, they said,
they would have had to perform a more painful abortion with a large pair of
forceps. I was very glad for not waiting any longer to get this over with.
At the end of the six hours in that lobby, they called me into their office
and asked how I would pay. They said that it would cost us $650 for everything,
including the shot I would need, and the so-called anesthesia they would
use on me, called Twilight. They told me that Twilight would not really
reduce the pain, but it would numb it a bit, and it would also block my mind
from making memories of the experience. They took our $650, and warned me
that the pain would be like bad cramping. Then they escorted me into the abortion
room, and I stripped, and then I laid down on the special table that held your
feet up and apart. The nurse was there with me, holding my hand. I felt them
give me the shot, and then I felt them put the IV of Twilight into my arm,
and then everything went hazy. I felt fumbling inside me, dull flashes of pain
here and there, that built quickly into huge amounts of sharp, bright pains
that made me cry out and bite my lip so hard that it bled…and they took
my baby.
I was in that room for five minutes, they told me, though it felt like hours.
The Twilight never blocked the memories of pain, like they said it would.
I remember all of it. I felt all of it. I feel badly for anyone who goes through
that pain.
Some people argue that abortion is a bad, bad thing, and that it should not
be legal. There were Christian protesters outside the clinic when I went,
screaming for us not to kill the babies. Yes, there was a chance that I might
have lived to have that baby, and then lived afterwards. But I had the abortion
anyway. Yes, I killed my child, and I did so willingly. I have no regrets,
and to anyone who thinks I should not have done what I did, I ask them to go
through the sickness and pains I would have had to endure to have that baby,
as well as the possible death. I wanted to make sure I'd live, to be healthy
and have a healthy baby later.
Let the woman make the choice. It is her body, and I don't care what your beliefs
are…only hers matter. We, as women, are given the power to create life,
and can make the choice to create or not.
For those of you who, for any reason, are pregnant and/or do not want to be/become
pregnant and need or want information on herbal contraceptives, birth control,
and abortions, see these sites:
http://www.geocities.com/sister_zeus/
http://www.geocities.com/RainForest/Vines/2279/List.htm