(place) by MrFurious Fri Apr 06 2001 at 12:16:56
I'm out of phase with the rest of humanity again (at least the bigger part of humanity). I have a total of five days off (in view of my coming birthday). Immedeatly on the very first day I went to bed at 4am. It happens every time without failure. I revert to my natural state - a night lurker. It's now 5am. I probably won't go to sleep till for another hour. Hour after that normal people will go to work. I will wake up when they get home. My day will start when they go to bed.

I went to a concert of Paco de Lucia and Septet yesterday. Or was it the day before? The performance was excellent, even though I must admit I'm not a great fan of Flamenco. I "pretended" to learn how to play guitar for a short while. I failed miserably, but at least now I can apreciate the incredible skill of such artists as de Lucia.
The performance was at the Orpheum. I haven't been to anything as formal for close to 5 years. Last time it was a play at one of the Moscow's bigger theaters. Anyhow the Orpheum was pretty nice. We sat almost on the balcony, near the ceiling. I wonder how much the tickets were at the bottom near the stage, considering that our tickets were 40 bucks. During the intermission I grabbed vodka cranberry from the bar. Tasted like water.
I had to dress semi-formally there. Everybody commented on how handsome i looked (I also had a haircut that day) - welldressed, cleanly shaven et al. My mom lectured me when i got home. I have to dress better etc. I'm 20 next week for god's sake! But I guess I see her point. On the other hand why should I dress "well"? I dress comfortably right now. That's all that matters to me personally. I'm not trying to impress anyone.

I think I figured out the question. But not the answer. I'm afraid - I'm a coward. The only reason I'm saying it here is because e2 offers a semi-anonymity. People who know who stands behind this handle, I can trust to certain extent. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Death, pain, loneliness. But most of all I'm afraid of people judging me. I'm afraid of them talking behind my back. I'm afraid of hearing laughter, pointing fingers and knowing looks. I'm afraid...and yet I dont know why. Maybe i need to go to a psychologist. Lie on the movie-cliche sofa and talk about my childhood...time to face the facts and pay up..

Carpe noctem..

I like it!