"Hello?"

"Hi. I'm looking for an EGR valve for an '89 Geo Spectrum. Do you have that model car in your junk yard?"

"Uhmm...." The clickety-clack of a keyboard gives itself away over the receiver. "Yeah... we got three of those. Two '89s and an '87."

"Great... do you think the EGR valves would still be attached to them?"

"Don't see why not."

"Fantastic. How much?"

"Twenty dollars."

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Thanks. Bye."

We get there, look at all three engines and the part that I've memorized on sight doesn't seem to be on any of them. There ARE some pieces that look similar, but I'm not sure.

"How much to take this part and this part, see if they're the right ones and, if they're not, come back tomorrow and get our money back?"

"Thirty-five dollars."

"Deal. Sounds fair. Thanks."

We take both parts and something in my gut, aside from hunger, begins to churn, telling me that neither part is going to work.

We get back to where my car is and, within 30 seconds, my suspicions turn out to be well-founded.

"Fuck! Damn! Shit!" Much cussing will ensue.

I've spent my last dollar on those damn parts and neither one is the right part. I can't work because my car isn't working.

I call a few other "chop shops" around the Nashville area to see if someone else might have what I need. Three places tell me, in no uncertain terms, that when they get cars in they actually throw out the EGR valves because they almost never break down and people almost never come looking for them.

Meanwhile, the car dealership has one on order, for $120, and they tell me that the part is discontinued.

I'm looking at this fucking thing and I have to admit, at some point, that it no longer exists.

I'm going to have to get a new car, all for the want of a non-existant part that's no bigger than a coffee cup. Ain't life grand?