Thank you for taking the time to read our short pamphlet! The Society for the Promotion of Evil would like you to ask yourself a few simple questions before you dedicate yourself on your own personal path to evil.
Are you evil, or simply mischevous?
-Remember, taking delight in mischief is never wrong, but it is not true evil. Only by learning to inflict true pain and suffering can you walk the Threefold Path of Evil.
Do you prefer to do evil in large or small quantities?
-While it is true that evil geniuses (bless their little hearts) are generally better known and tend to do evil on a worldwide scale, we at the Society would like to remind you that small-scale evil has its rewards as well. Remember Ted Bundy? The Zodiac Killer? Martha Stewart? They all started off small, and look where they ended up. Remember, Evil Always Pays, as we say, even if the government seizes the proceeds to pay restitution to your victims.
Have you found your niche yet?
-It is important to find your place in the world of evil. Although you may be a virtual fountainhead of evil, you must remember your limitations. Not good at building orbital lasers? Don't like the sight of blood, intestines or horribly mutated genetic experiments gone awry? Fear not, true believer. There is a place for you, if you know how to look. Try picking up a copy of our handy manual, " Practical Evil". It contains a number of helpful hints on how to propogate the spread of horror, death and mild unpleasantness through daily life, from humming annoying songs in the elevator to verbal abuse of friends and family to voting Republican. Or Democrat, we've got them too.
Do you feel like you might be evil, but aren't really sure?
-This is a common concern. Many, many people have difficulty "coming out" about being evil. Considering the stigma in today's peurile society attached to our simple principles, it is no surprise. It is very difficult to tell your family members that you plan to bring about the downfall of man; we suggest disposing of your current, flawed family and marrying one of the members of the Society. Don't worry, the attrition rate for our Spouses of Evil is quite high, so you should have no trouble finding a compatible mate!
Are you familiar with our Threefold Path?
-If you aren't, you should be. The Society holds in high regard the three principles by which we live.
- See evil. --To do and understand true evil, you must first immerse yourself in it. Watch TV, it doesn't matter what channel. Go to political conventions. Visit your local prisons and insane asylums. Take notes, these people have a lot of experience.
- Hear evil. --As well as visual immersion, the aural aspect is vital to developing the evil that grows inside your soul. Tune into the radio, preferably one that only plays top 40 hits or has idiotic, opinionated talk shows. They aren't necessarily evil, but they'll piss you off enough to really fuel some good old-fashioned evildoing.
- Speak evil. --Once you have begun to understand true evil, you must spread the seed. Convince others of your unfounded, racist views. Talk them into voting for the major parties. "You'll just waste your vote on anybody else" always works well. And of course, spread the word of the Society. We do our best to keep evil close to home.
As long as you follow the Path, the hand of evil will guide you on your way.
Thank you for your time! If you wish to know more about the Society for the Promotion of Evil, please contact one of our local representatives for details on how to become a member, and a list of people we must ask you to "deal with".