As paraphrased from Professor John Atkinson's thesis-writing workshop, University of the West of Scotland
(Picture Brian Blessed playing Michael Caine)
Blocks of granite,
Blocks of text
Building into a thesis.
Strategies for laying down.
Strategies for tearing up and laying back around
That brand new gas main.
Build a space to fill
With your results
So when you get them in
There's structure waiting.
Two things are most important
That we’ll learn:
Summarising big ideas in one page,
And knowing what to do
When things go tits up.
Start by sketching,
Building up a shopping list
Then slot the pieces in
A standard structure
Tell the story of success
How do you tell that story?
Twenty minutes can become an hour
But nothing never becomes anything.
Visit the thesis every day
Even if only for brainless work.
Write in one-hundred-word paragraphs
Three of them make up a page.
Simple language helps things
Keep on moving.
Adjectives and adverbs
Just cause problems.
Explaining every little thing is good.
Take a look at other people's theses.
Don't bog yourself down
With unpleasant duties.
'I won't go into Wittgenstein today. I like to go into Wittgenstein, particularly when there's malt whisky involved.'