“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation...”
- Henry David Thoreau
That’s the
better-known half of the quote. The remainder seems, at least to my ear, both less
profound and more disturbing:
“...and go to the grave with the song still in them.”
That scares me.
Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.
- German Proverb
Because
the hard truth is that I feel I really have something to offer. Maybe not to the world, but to people. To a person. To a woman.
One woman, in particular, whose name I will neglect to mention here. And yet I can’t help but think of the
obstacles, the problems, the chances involved in actually taking a stand, in trying to do something, because another hard truth is that anyone who tries runs the risk of failure.
“Failure is not an option.”
Which was fine for
Gene Kranz. Fine for
Lovell,
Swigert, and
Haise. But it isn’t nearly as convenient a
benchmark for me.
Failure is always an option. Or at least a possibility. Because I like to sing, I like opening up and belting out an off-key version of
“Unknown Legend” or
“Walking in Memphis”. I enjoy singing. But usually in the
shower. I enjoy writing, I enjoy drawing, and painting, and woodworking. But failure is an
ever-present possibility. A terrifying possibility. So I enjoy my singing, my drawings, my poetry, and all the rest. But in private. At least mostly, though I do share with some. But such selective sharing barely counts.
Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.
- Stephen King
I fear. And it is this quality that binds me to
the mass of men.