I believe that loneliness is one of the worst emotional feelings that one can have. You lose faith in a lot of things. You lose faith in humanity, life, even other people walking down the street, but most of all yourself. You start thinking, “What is so wrong with me that no one looks at you (people of the opposite sex mostly). Am I too young? Too fat? Too ugly? All these things run through your mind when you are out, by yourself, on a Friday night looking for someone to talk to. I have a couple of GREAT friends who would be there for me in a heartbeat, but they are not in any position to provide the companionship that I need to sustain a fulfilling lifestyle.
Some people say, “It will come with time…” or “You should join a church, that will give you the opportunity to make friends!” Well, I know that beggars can’t be choosers and I am definitely in a “beggars” position, but I don’t want to change the way that I am so that I can make friends. I would like to think that someone out there would like me the way I am now. Also, the fact that I am a timid, low-self esteemed individual doesn’t help my situation at all. It feels like the only people that I can make contact with are the ones on the other end of a chat room that live in bum-fuck Egypt. Feeling this way makes you have less than happy thoughts and once those thoughts start popping into your head, it is hard to think of anything else. There is a “funk” that one falls into. I guess you could call it a rut or something of that nature. I believe that it is plain old depression. I know they have some great drugs out there for this condition, some over-the-counter and some illegal. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t, and when they wear off, you are back at square one.
You can call me a hopeless romantic or a whiner but I know that there are other people that feel the same way. Oh well…