Across the grey
playgrounds of
Ireland there is one phrase that strikes fear into a heart like no other:
"I claim you."
Translated, this phrase actually means:
"Greetings friend. I would like for the two of us to engage in a violent confrontation. The brawl will take place sometime after school. We will be accompanied by our fellow class mates who will offer encouragement and support as we battle. Like Fight Club, you must understand that you do not talk about a claim, but this only applies when talking to adults. Feel free to spraff to everybody else in the school. There will be no rules in the upcoming fracas. Sticks, stones, nettles and sand are all acceptable weapons. Since I am the one staking the claim, this would suggest that I rather fancy my chances against you, and I intend to beat the tar out of with evey last ounce of strength in my body. My underhand tactics are marginally superior to yours. I also have more friends than you, so when the fight gets pushed into the crowd of onlookers, you are the one most likely to be wailed upon.
First person to cry is the loser. See you at 3 o' clock."
A fight occurs. Noses are bled. Kids cry. Make friends. Go home. Watch He-Man.
Irish justice. It does exactly what it says on the tin.