As a
young man I had the honor of spending two years of my
high school education at a
Lutheran boarding school in rural
Missouri. Let me tell you, it was just as exciting as it sounds. We were often forced to provide our own amusements. I recall a young man that lived in the dorms with us. His name was Shelby and he... well, he had some problems.
The dorms had
communal bathrooms, these bathrooms did not have individual shower stalls. Much like a
locker room the showers were one large room with multiple shower heads. Shelby, was apparently intimidated by this as he never showered. After a month or so of this activity, his
roommate filed an official complaint and was subsequently moved to another room. Shelby's
personal hygiene habits only got worse. Had this been his only problem, he may not have been so bad to deal with. Unfortunately, he was also an ignorant
braggart and generally made a nuisance of himself. After years of reflection I have been unable to determine whether his actions were due to
social ineptness or just plain contempt.
He became angry one day and during the middle of the night he
mopped the hallway with
shampoo. At first it seemed like a poor method of
revenge. It made the floors sticky. It made our shoes sticky, and funny smelling. We didn't think much of it until we had to spend several hours cleaning it up. The floor had to be mopped over and over again with clean water.
A few
chums and I had had enough. We broke into his room while he slept and tied and gagged him with
duct tape. We clearly explained to him why we were doing this, and them we used several rolls of duct tape to suspend him to the back of the door in his room. We left him there.
When he didn't show up for
class the next day, the
dorm supervisor opened his room and discovered him. Reports indicate that by the time of discovery he had
fouled himself and his
odor was even more noxious than usual. At first I felt a little bad about the whole ordeal. It must have been
terrifying for Shelby.
None of the individuals involved in the incident ever got in trouble though.
We were never questioned. Shelby left very shortly after this and never spoke to anyone about it. He knew who we were, we told him why we were doing it. It's possible that Shelby realized his errors, and fearing further
retribution declined to lay blame. I believe however, that this did not happen. He had never shown a proclivity to learning lessons. It is my belief that the
school officials had their fill of his activities as well, and consequently expelled him quietly.
Cleanliness after all, is next to godliness.