I have a
friend who loves me. Well, not just loves me, but loves me in
that way.
This sort of thing used to happen to me quite a lot, but as I have grown as a person it has thankfully simmered down somewhat. Nevertheless, this one last gasp of someone declaring their love for me occured. I don't know why he felt it necessary to declare it after all this time, but I am much better at ignoring the fact and getting on with the friendship when the fact isn't vocalised.
In addition to this, he declared he could no longer be my friend. It hurt him too much and he couldn't trust his intentions when doing stuff for me. Once this would have had me crying for a week, but I have worked very hard at improving myself and am now able to accept that this is his issue to deal with, not mine. So I sat there and allowed him to make his decision to not see me anymore all by himself.
A couple of weeks later, he was re-thinking his decision. We met up. I have no idea what he's re-decided as a result of us meeting up, but I have found myself re-thinking if I want to continue my friendship with him. He tends to dwell on the negative things in life. Quadraplegics laugh at life and let nothing hold them back. This guy takes molehills that aren't good but are definitely surpassable and turns them into mountains. Granted he has improved greatly, and I have said many times that he appears to be where I once was in life, but it still gets irksome. His constant negativity grinds away at your own view of life. Spending a couple of hours in his company leaves you feeling haggard.
I don't know what I will decide in the end. Either way someone loses out. I'm not sure if I am willing for that someone to be me again though. Philanthropy is all well and good, but ultimately you need to look after yourself to be able to help more people in the long run.