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Some of you reading this writeup will be traveling with your sweetheart and meeting their parents for the first time over a Thanksgiving meal. And at some point you're going to say something you shouldn't. It's inevitable. Go ahead and start preparing yourself for the moment you begin to say something incredibly stupid -- your mind recoiling with horror at what you're saying, but powerless to stop your lips from forming words. Guys, I'll admit this article is more for our benefit. Girls are way, way smarter than we are, so they rarely fumble with their words and come off as an uncouth moron. That's just another fact of life, so I'm not even going to attempt to be gender-neutral in writing this.

Never mention...

10. Anything your girlfriend recently purchased
Her parents won't be excited to know that she bought a portable MP3 player after calling home to ask for money for unexpected class expenses.

9. You met her in a bar
Nobody likes to think that their little girl met her boyfriend 15 minutes before last call gathered around a beer trough.

8. That she did your laundry for you
Mom will think you're just one step away from sitting around in a tank-top undershirt yelling at her to get you a beer; Dad won't like the idea of her handling your underwear.

7. You're in a band
Her parents will figure that she pays for most of your living expenses. And they're probably right.

6. You're happy to have an excuse not to join your family for Thanksgiving
Say that and her parents will start wondering about all kinds of reasons why it might be so bad to be part of your family.

5. Anything about politics or religion
You're a smartass college kid. The odds that her parents hold the same opinions as you are very, very long.

4. Your thoughts during any mother-daughter discussion
No matter what you say, one of them is going to think you're picking sides. And they won't like you for that.

3. How much your girlfriend likes the snuggly new pajamas her mother sent
It's actually possible to say two stupid things in a single sentence here. 1) You're familiar with her choices of sleepwear. 2) You are on snuggly terms with her...and Dads know there's only one real reason guys choose to snuggle.

2. Your girlfriend's trip to the student health center/doctor/pharmacy
Girls share almost everything regarding personal health with their mothers. The one thing they might remain silent about would be birth control prescriptions. So if her mother hears about a trip to the doctor that she didn't already know about, she knows what sort of things you're doing to her lovely little girl.

1. Any stories that involve you (or her) in a drunken state
While you think your story about doing your first keg stand is very funny, her parents only hear, "Hi. My name is John and I'm an alcoholic..."