This evening I was sitting around a fireplace with a lot of wealthy, extremely well-hung men, and smoking cigars. We spoke AT LENGTH. And I mean AT LENGTH about YOU and why we have a particular problem with you, by which I mean you, the person who is reading this at this exact moment.

Changes will be made. You can count on it.

And when those changes happen, don't be surprised if you wake up at four o'clock in the morning with an egg beater shoved all the way up your ass, because that is what is coming your way in the new year. You can ABSOLUTELY count on this happening to you. Have your friends and family put money down on it. They will WIN BIG while you are losing it all the way down into the gutter.

Straighten your ass out and put down the bottle or you will never have your fingers inside of another vagina again. I will make SURE OF IT.

Make changes while you still can, ass-nugget.

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