Another day passes, with the wind at my back. For once, I try something important in my life, and again I fail. I try to wake up, but as the many times in life, when the spirit is willing, the flesh becomes
weak. Instilled with newfound enlightenment from yesterday's events, I open my eyes to another day. I guess it would start at midnight.
Coming back from my nighttime rendezvous, I come home to relax. I sit down, by my computer desk, thinkin about what to do about myself. I slowly press the power button, thinking, has my life been degraded so much that I take pleasure in this little electronic box? In truth, I rather not answer, as I'm afraid of what it may be.
Couple of hours after I sit, I receive a call. It was nice. Nice to be wanted. Though not in a romantic sense, it was nice to have helped. It makes my agony drift away for a moment. Or half a moment at least. We talk, and talk, even when I registered for summer school at
UBC. Damn economics classes. When are they the places to meet beautiful women? I guess its the new way to meet people in school. Again, I realize that I've sunk to a brand new low.
We talk, until the wee hours of the morning. The sky is light blue, with a hint of dew in the air. I open my window, and feel the moisture touch my skin as the air gushes through the screen door. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with a sensation not different from melting a cough drop in my mouth. Slowly, I walk over to my bed, only to close my eyes, yet not be able to sleep. Lowness, not loneliness, would fill my mind and my dreams tonight.
Ring. The stupid phone rings. Then I get up, frustrated that my peaceful sleep (yeah right) was disturbed once again. Then I look at the clock. 12:00 noon. Lovely. Another missed class.
UBC is making so much money off jerks like me. I slowly stagger, only to iron my shirt. Still, my suicidal, yet eeriely similar frient, was still on my mind. Hmm. I was always wonderin whether suicide was selfish. Whether he would be lowest of the low right now for attempting it. Even moreso, I thought whether I would be better than him if I succeeded. Then I realized I had to go to work. Loveliness.
Work passes by like a needle passes through skin, quickly yet painfully. A young attractive woman clasped her arm around mine, when I was doing my paperwork, not unlike how an escort brings a lady down the stairs of a grand palace. I look at her, stunned, waiting for her to slap me, even though I did her no injustice. But she didn't let go. So I didn't either. I guess it was another cheap thrill for a simple mind. A customer comes to me and says "You're not supposed to flirt with the customers." I shrug my shoulders and ignore it as it was the utopia of my day.
My friends come get me, to watch a movie. Lovely. Very gory. Snipers. Bullets. Man stuff. You know? All it made me want to do was to play
Silent Scope. I was enjoying the movie until my cell phone vibrated in my pants. Another good point for the day. It was a lady friend. She wanted to hang out. I couldn't break off the bonding now could I? Then I look back, to realize that while I knew that it was good for me to spend time with male friends, I am giving up an opportunity to be with a pretty lady. I dwell on it for a minute. Then I realized that the movie ended. Off to the arcade then, as we four burly men couldn't find anything worthwhile to do. Spending more money, we waste both our brain cells and hard earned blood and sweat to please our "complex yet intelligent" minds. I have a four letter word to describe that:
NUTS.
Now I'm here. To tell the world what has happened in my insignificant life. Again, my two cranial lobes debate whether the world is a fair enough place for me to exist in. Can I say that things will be okay? Of course not, but we were always taught that way but I just never knew that depression would be so bad. Why not? Simple. My momma always told me: Men don't cry.