It's ironic how to gain something, you must either lose something or go through some sort of pain. For example, if one wants to get into better shape, they must exercise, in which in all of its basic shapes, a source of pain. For one to learn life's greatest lessons, one must
learn from mistakes. For one to grow up knowing how life is to be, one must ask
rhetorical questions, which in turn must simply be accepted as a question with no answer and to move on. While everyone has to live with the same rules, I don't doubt that there are many like me who dislike the game, where the playing field is neither level nor defined. But, like most things in the world, I've learned to live with it.
Days off is
a gift from god, provided there is such a celestial being. It's nice to be able to wake up late once in a while and not feel guilty about it. But today, I woke up early enough to go out for a run. Good fitness I suppose, but it was meant as a medium for pent up frustrations. I just woke up funny today, and I woke up angry at myself, and mostly at the world. I ran a total of 8 kilometers in 2.5 hours, running 200 meters pacingly, then sprinting the next 200 meters, then pacing again and so forth. Finally, I collapse on the grass, and feel the sunlight penetrate every pore in my body. After lying there for about 10 minutes, I stumble home.
I come home realizing that I skipped my first day of summer school for my friend's birthday. While noble, it isn't the smartest thing to be doing but for her, I didn't mind. Old friend, comrade, we've been through a lot of things. But at the same time, I needed somehow to get my book so I asked
MrFurious to go get it for me if he had time. Luckily, he did, and I am so grateful for it too.
From noon until about 6, I'm on
irc, downloading
Fin.K.L,
S.E.S. and
Baby V.O.X. music videos. I'm what one would call a
leech, simply downloading without any form of compensation for the person who is providing the files. While I would upload something if they asked, they simply didn't so I didn't. It's a
give and take relationship and since they didn't want me to give anything, I took what I wanted. I would feel guilty if I felt any remorse right now but I'm too tired for complex feelings such as guilt.
I cook my family some dinner, at least trying to be the good son. I took a quick 30 minute nap, then I head off to work out. I get there and I don't work out much. My body feels like
Jello but at least there wasn't room for more of me.
MrFurious and I go play some basketball with some old friends then after a brief stop off at
Mac's, home.
Getting home, I finish my bath quickly and hit the books. This is my break for the night I suppose. I sat outside for tonight, but it was quite chilly. It's cloudy, and the partial moon could only be seen when patches of cloud doesn't cover it in its travels around the globe. I sat there, thinking. Lest my mind go into complete remission, my mind wandered again.
I've been contemplating my place in the world I suppose. Truth be told, I've been seeking my place in my own little world. I need a focal point, a place holder to guide every other facet of life itself. Family cannot be that point simply because it is too broad. It may be a goal, but must be specific enough that I require only myself to do it. It may be a person, but the bond between us must be strong enough to keep my mind in focus. But, only ideally will I find someone so in touch with my soul. I may only be so lucky. So, I came back inside.
I'm not off to bed yet but I should soon. My assignment's due date comes to a close within the next 24 hours so I should finish it first. I bid the night adieu.
May I dream tonight, dream sweet nothings, and sweet everythings. Let me be
touched by an angel, with a kiss so sweet, and wings so beautiful that I cannot touch them. I will slumber deeply, and hope that life tomorrow will be a beautiful day, and hopefully, I'll find my focus...