X-Men: The Last Stand
Alt. Title for promo purposes: X3
Released May 26, 2006 in the United States
Review Synopsis a.k.a Giving Away The Game a.k.a. Enough Already
Okay. From the number of comments I have received cheerfully telling me I'm an idjit, I think I failed to make something clear (note that the original writeup began below this, where it helpfully says Review) Read this next paragraph carefully, because it's absolutely crucial to comprehending the remainder of this somewhat scattered review. Ready? Of course you are. Here we go.
This is a bad movie.
Yep. Keep this firmly in mind. Now, the next thing you'll have to remember before I get to actual information concerning the movie itself, is the following: that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. I did. I don't know if it achieves true badflique status.
Review:
It seems the Thing To Do when discussing this movie is to stake out one's ground first, so let me do that. I like comic books. I like the X-Men. I in no way have read even a meaningful fraction of the X-Men series, much less its multiple spin-offs. Ergo, I have a tenuous at best grip on what can laughingly be called its 'continuity.' I liked the first X-Men movie, and wasn't so thrilled with X2. I think Bryan Singer is overrated by those who discuss his directing. I have no stake in how closely this movie licks Stan Lee's taint or follows panel 7426.49j of issue 4696 of spin-off 94-Zed Stroke 9. I paid my ten bucks expecting to be entertained, understanding that my brain was somewhat weaker even than normal given that it was a weekday midnight showing and that I was in a sold-out theater full of X-Men fanboy geeks including some wearing silver makeup and tinfoil and others wearing angel wings.
From what little I know, this movie takes the notion of continuity from the comic sense and laughs while wiping its ass with it. There's even holes when considered strictly as the third of three movies in a vacuum. Hell, there's holes in scene-to-scene continuity (famous one everyone's mentioning: It's midafternoon! *PULLBACK* It's night! Umm...) But like a magnificent drunk, the movie just stumbles with divine grace across these holes and somehow stays upright through momentum. It's a summer movie, for Gawd's sake, it's not supposed to make sense. There's actually a story of sorts in there; one that connects with the prior two movies, so in that we are lucky. Looked at with one eye closed and the other squinting, it looks almost like it was planned as the third movie in a trilogy. Almost.
There are noticeably more explosions, effects, ass-kickings, and moments of general mayhem than in the first two. Part of that no doubt reflects a higher budget, but part of it also reflects much less of a tendency to get angsty about the personal stresses of mutantdom. The stress is there and still plays a significant role in the story (if not the most critical!) but much less time is spent trying to coach marginal actors (or marginally direct good actors) into producing expressions of personal conflict underneath DRAMATIC MUSIC to display INNER TENSION. More time is spent having said characters display their Issues by blowing the ever-loving shit out of some piece of scenery or even (in this flick) some hapless homo sapiens or even mutant who happens to be in the way - which, really, is what it's all about.
All hail the pyrotechnics teams.
Okay, some minor spoilers below. Nothing you wouldn't get from a close examination of the trailer, I promise.
Seriously.
Still with me? Okay. Some pluses and minuses. Here's one of my biggest peeves - Nightcrawler does not appear anywhere in this film. Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot. He was perhaps my favorite mutant; I was ecstatic when he showed up in X2, and they even did it right, making him one of that movie's high points. For God's sake (heh) he even bamfed properly! Give those people cigars! And then...what? He's just not there. We don't even get a throwaway line explanation of what the hell happened to him. We even have a scene in an abandoned church! His stomping grounds! But nope. No Nightcrawler. POINTS DEDUCTED.
Ian McKellen is a splendid bastard. Truly he is. Despite wearing what looks like a padded vise around his head, his eyebrows manage to perform some 47 percent of the acting duties of the entire cast (it would be a higher figure, but he does have Patrick Stewart to contend with, who is not forced to glower out from behind immobile headgear). Watching him tailor his physical gestures (degree of exertion, type of motion) to his various Magneto exploits is a treat to behold. Finally, we get not one but at least two Magneto-vs.-Xavier debates-with-pointy-words-and-tone, and just being able to pull two actors of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen's caliber into the project pays rich dividends.
There were a great number of Inexcusable Movie Cliches, even for a comic book flick. Honestly. Helpless-housewife-locks-car-door-in-the-face-of-unimaginable-power. R. Lee Ermey's Drill Sergeant Voice. Jack-Ryan-Style Fake-IR-Satellite-Realtime-Video Taken-From-Ten-Feet-Up Live-In-The-White-House. A President who can only speak in overdramatic four-word-cliches. Sometimes the cliches even overrode the movie's sensibilities - for example, Magneto's army. Because the army is Bad Mutants, there's some reason that 95% of them have to look like Biker Gang rejects and be wearing clothes straight out of Deliverance. Uh, I call bullshit on this one. Eric Lensherr would not be delivering his speeches of self-defense and actualization to a bunch of intensely xenophobic backwoods types. He'd be able to find a bunch of self-interested as well as urbane revolutionaries who had a better place to hang out than behind Cousin Bob's Trailer.
More good-natured jokes about the outfits, which is good. Hank McCoy wearing his 'old' outfit and bitching about how it used to fit him was a good follow-on to 'You'd prefer yellow spandex?'
On the plus side as well, the storyline (cough) they chose fit in extremely well with Magneto's character and backstory; his motivations were completely believable, and his actions throughout were self-consistent and (mostly) understandable. The 'with us or against us' meme was developed well, and they didn't spend too much time (as I feel sure Singer would have) 'exploring the issues this would have raised among the Xavier community.' Nope, too busy with the asskicking and general Armageddon.
Technically, the movie was midrange even for a summer action flick. There were a lot of effects, but the CGI got fairly sloppy at times, especially at the end battle. Almost Lawnmower Man level in certain places, which made me shudder. It was inconsistent, though; some of it (Magneto and the Golden Gate) was awesome - I don't know if it reflected a budget disparity or just rushing in some parts to get it done. Jean Grey's dynamic makeup (CGI as well?) was good. We didn't see nearly as much of the Mansion this time, making it seem like less of a 'special place' - we saw some of the school part, but not a lot - and in fact the sets weren't all that great. They were fairly generic. I can't think of any that stand out.
The music was entirely forgettable. In fact, I'm fairly sure I've already forgotten it, except to note that there were several points when it seemed rather out of step with the action on the screen.
Final kvetch: there sure are an awful lot of mutants out there. Makes you wonder how Charles kept everything so quiet and why he even needed the Machine to find them if there were that many - even if they were mainly 'pawns' as Magneto put it.
Okay, done rambling. I enjoyed the flick, and will probably see it again. I liked the final scene; I thought it was the right 'comic book series' ending.
It's much more of a comic book (singular) than the first two, which tried to 'distill' multiple comic books into a 'real movie'. This one is more of a comic book painted on screen, and I must guiltily admit that I really enjoy those. Oh, and advice: stay after the credits.
Select Commentary:
mkb says: NO BOOBIES? who cares then
A valid point. I never made this claim though. We do get a fully unclothed and un-Mystique-shifted Rebecca Romijn, for example. Who's to argue with that?!?!
Walter says: This movie was utterly terrible. Everything that happened was stupid and senseless and it was entirely devoid of character. You should feel guilty for enjoying it!
It's a summer blockbuster™. It's supposed to be terrible in many ways. I cheerfully accept this interpretation and offer, to both provide context and assist in further digging my own hole, the fact that I quite like Tank Girl and The Shadow.
X-Men: The Last Stand
Directed By: Brett Ratner
Screenplay By: Simon Kinberg & Zak Penn
Studio: Twentieth Century Fox (with Marvel Comics)
Abbreviated Cast
Professor X / Charles Xavier: Patrick Stewart
Magneto / Eric Lensherr: Sir Ian McKellen
Wolverine / Logan: Hugh Jackman
Storm / Ororo Munroe: Halle Berry
Jean Grey: Famke Janssen
Beast / Hank McCoy: Kelsey Grammer
Cyclops / Scott Summers: James Marsden
Rogue / Marie: Anna Paquin
Mystique / Raven Darkholme: Rebecca Romijn