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Hi, my name is Michael Taylor and I am with the Important People Project. I'd like to thank you for coming to this presentation. This could be an excellent opportunity for your family to make some money and for you to find real fulfillment in life.

You are nothing. Your life is essentially meaningless and you just spend a lot of time dicking around, pretending that you have meaning in your life, but compared to important people with busy schedules, your life is completely pointless. Don't give up. Important people with busy schedules need servants, people willing to give themselves body, mind, and soul. We need you to help important people get things done that their busy schedules might otherwise keep them from getting done. And they need their spa time.

The world worked extremely well when most countries were monarchies with an aristocratic class and a servant class. We need to move back in this direction. We need to stop pretending that little people's lives have value, aside from the $250 that their families will get for selling them to the Important People Class, which is what we will call it.

You can take care of cleaning their homes, cooking their food, doing their shopping, tap drying the tip of their penis with a single square of toilet paper when necessary, and doing the grunt work necessary to make their dreams come true. And in return you will receive the satisfaction that your life has meaning. That meaning is found in the achievements of the Important People that you serve. You can help them. You can make a difference. You don't have to keep going on with your crappy job, your crappy hobbies, and your unsatisfying friends. You can become part of something. You can become a cog in the wheel of progress.

Some of these Important People will be willing to allow you to bring select members of your family to live in the 5'x5' room that you will live in, and be confined to, when your services are not required by Important People. Your family does not get to come out of that room unless one of the Important People takes a fancy to them. Important People get first dibs on your child's first sexual experience and Important People have rights.

We need to stop fighting the natural order of things. This is common sense. This is democracy in action. This is patriotism. This is freedom. This is Chinatown. This is what is right.

Your appreciation and fealty is what is owed to Important People for their kindness in giving you that 5x5 room on their sprawling estate. You owe them everything. You will do what is necessary at all times to keep them satisfied. That way they can continue to do the Important People work that they do to make all our lives better.

We can achieve greater progress as a people if we stop tolerating people who aren't important. We waste a lot of time watching movies and using dating apps when we all need to be on our knees fellating the next Henry Ford. That is what America is all about.

Once again, thank you for coming to our presentation. Some former beauty pageant contestants will be coming around with a sign-up sheet. Be sure to call one over. They smell like roses and lavender. On purpose.