"I would like to purchase one of your egg-shaped porcelain clown heads."
Admit it. You've been thinking about those egg-shaped porcelain clown heads for weeks. You tucked away a portion of your hard-earned salary each payday, earmarking it for the clown head fund. The day you dreamed of is finally here. With a wad of cash in hand, you walk up to the counter at Enrico's Curiosity Shoppe and make your demands.
Your interest drove you to research these products and learn that they are handmade by an emotionally disturbed elderly woman from Portland, Oregon. That made them all the more fascinating to you. Each one is different.
As Enrico's young, college-age employee walks over to the display case, you consider the personal tastes that make you different from every other collector of egg-shaped porcelain clown heads. In your opinion, too much color makes the heads look too busy, but other collectors like them that way. They are supposed to be clowns, yes, but you don't want something that is going to blind you first thing in the morning, especially before you've had your morning coffee. You know what you want. The clown head you purchase will make a statement. You like frowning clowns, and the emotional disturbed creator of these heads painted most of them with either frowns or scowls. There are some with smiles, but those smiles are most unsettling. They are the smiles of a clown who is constantly thinking "I am going to kill you and put your brain in a microwave for ten minutes, sprinkle it with supple raisins and eat it like a bowl of warm oatmeal."
And so, frowny clown it is. There are several to choose from, including one who appears to be crying. There are no tears to be seen, but you can feel them running across his painted cheeks. There is so much pain with this egg-shaped clown head and you cannot look away. This is the one you must have, although you find it more disturbing than any of the others, even the grinning death clowns. You point, the employee pulls, and the head is wrapped in tissue paper and placed in a special purple and pink gift box. You tell the employee of the curiosity shop that this is not a gift. He laughs and tells you:
"When you buy something like this, it is a gift for yourself."
You return home to your lonely cottage. Yes, you were married once, but your spouse left you for a younger lover and took the kids because the new lover had a $70,000 BWM and a house with three bathrooms. You didn't mind in the end. It felt like the new lover purchased your spouse and you could not afford to enter into the bidding. The empty spaces will be filled by your new egg-shaped porcelain clown head.
You carefully unwrap the clown head and place it on the mantle. The space has been cleared and made just right for the egg-shaped wonder. You have been planning this for many weeks. There is even a special viewing chair arranged so that you may gaze upon your purchase for hours and reflect on its meaning in your life. It is yours now. You have purchased the head and you are its owner. Pride beams from every corner of your mind, body and soul. The clown's tears feel even more real now that you are alone with the head. You stare into its sad eyes and nod at the porcelain clown head. It understands your pain. There is no longer apathy in this house. There is a mutual understanding. You got what you paid for. You paid for an egg-shaped porcelain clown head.