Faking an orgasm (thing)

And the first step on a long, long road of shallow, sad, empty, pointless sex. 

I used to do it a lot. 

I never shall, ever again. 

But if you want to try anyway....

It's much more about fooling yourself than about fooling your partner.

Remember when you were 8 and wanted a day off school, and so made yourself seem ill just by thinking about it hard enough?

Faking an orgasm is very much like that.

So...

Setting the scene

• breathe fast
• whimper a little
• unfocus your eyes
• slowly open and close them
• smile in an empty, inward looking manner.

Building up

• gasp
• snap your eyes open
• roll your eyes upwards into your head
• let them drift closed again
• let your breath out raggedly
• smile

Almost there

• be limp, helpless
• let out a long slow quiet moan
• Mumble words and half words...
"yes...." "oh please..." "You're..."
• smile some more

Coming

• snap your eyes open and say a word clearly
"Yes!" "Now!" "Oh GODS!"
• grab at your partner
• pull yourself toward your partner in such a way that your face is either pressed against them, or otherwise positioned out of their sight.
• pant
• gasp
• moan
• press your self against (and on- or into) them hard.
• Convulse, if at all possible

And coming down

• SMILE HUGELY
and
• relax
• let your grip on their hair or bum or whatever you've got hold of loosen and fall away
• let your breathing slow, but continue being a little ragged
• Let your eyes flutter open and SMILE sleepily
• cuddle against your partner (again making sure your face is hidden)

Congratulations: You have just taken your first step toward a horrible, pointless sexual relationship, fraught with lies, resentment and bitterness; easy to begin, almost impossible to get back to a sharing and open and satisfying relationship.

And isn't that what it's really all about?