First Impressions
Steve is sitting in a café at a table for two facing the chair across from him. He is not looking at anything. Betty approaches him.
Betty: Um, Steve, right?
Steve turns his head to Betty.
Steve: Yes. Betty?
Betty: Hi.
Steve doesn’t stand but extends a hand, which Betty shakes.
Steve: Have a seat.
Betty looks from the empty chair to Steve, who hasn’t moved.
Betty: Thanks.
Betty sits.
Betty: I like the ambiance here. Looks like a nice place.
Steve: Yeah, it’s okay.
Betty: …You look nice.
Steve: Thanks. You do as well, I’m sure.
Betty: What? You’re not sure?
Steve: I don’t really care what you look like.
Betty: I spent two hours getting ready for this.
Steve: I appreciate the effort.
Betty: “Appreciate the effort”? You jerk!
Steve: Why are you getting angry about this?
Betty: Damnit, my friends are always hooking me up with assholes! I hate blind dates.
Steve: …I am blind!
Even in Death
Man runs on stage out of breath. There is a ball on the ground not far from him.
Man: Oh god, they are everywhere! I can’t run anymore.
Everyone I know is dead. The
zombies are everywhere! Even
Roxanne. Oh god, I loved her and those bastards killed her!
Roxanne, who is now a zombie, shambles onto stage.
Roxanne: Grawwol!
Man: Roxanne? No! You can’t be a zombie. Not you!
Roxanne shambles towards Man.
Roxanne: Mraarh!
Man: No!
Man picks up the ball.
Man: Stay back. Stay back!
Man throws the ball at Roxanne. It bounces off her. She picks up the ball and hands it to Man.
Roxanne: Urrgh!
Roxanne shambles by Man.
Man: What?
Even in death, I’m not good enough for you?
Roxanne shambles up to Man and pats him on the shoulder.
Roxanne: Just! Friends!
Roxanne shambles off stage.
Never a Dull Moment
Man sits in a chair by himself. He spends his time twiddling his thumbs, sighing, yawning, puffing up his cheeks and blowing raspberries; until, half a minute later, Aide walks up to him.
Aide: They are waiting on you Mister President.
Man stands up.
Man: Work, work, work! That’s all I ever do around here. This job is so hard.
Aide: You do us proud, sir.
They exit.