Uncle John was helping me
tend to the barbecue.
'Not like that, like this' he said
Helpfully.
He helpfully snatched the fork
Seared the meat
Stirred the sauce
Stoked the coals.
'You gotta be careful with chicken' said John.
Helpfully.

As John inspected and sniffed, I
Slammed his head into the grill and
Smashed the lid down
Skin burst and crackled
Sweetmeat steam wafted cross the lawn
and people danced to his screams.

We dined on his smug head that night
picking his skull clean
and remarking on the emptiness inside.
'John would have liked this' said his wife
as she stretched out and farted in a deckchair.
We all agreed he had been a royal cunt
and started digging a hole for his headless corpse
Like a real family.