I don't
frown much, but I only
smile rarely in the presence of
men. Despite years of
pain and thousands of dollars in
orthodontics, I even cover my mouth when I
laugh around men I don't know.
Perhaps it's a function of being completely confused about what I want, but it's been dawning on me lately, I don't want a boyfriend.
I'm lonely, yes, but I don't want a boyfriend. I would like to have a family someday, including a husband, but seeing as I don't want a boyfriend I'm not sure how this is supposed to come about.
I'm as or more capable of looking a guy in the eye and smiling as the next girl; I'm not shy. What freaks me out is how quickly they are taken in. When I smile I can see the change come over their eyes from "this is a girl I don't know" to "this is a girl I want to know". I don't deserve it. I'm reluctant to smile because I know soon enough he'll discover the truth, and eventually, as they always do, he'll tell me that he always thought my smile was fake.
sorry for sullying your happy node dannye, but I was thinking about this the other day and...what I can I say...your perspective invited another.
My sentiments exactly, danlowlite.