I woke up at 3 AM to a fever, sneezes, sore throat, and what seems like a solid mass of crap in my lungs.

I took my roommate to the airport (since his cab didn't show up!!!!) in my terrycloth bathrobe and fuzzy slippers.

On the way home, I got pulled over because, apparently, I have a taillight out.

The cop took one look at me (I think I might have been snarling between sniffles, coughs, and sneezes) and just said "just get it fixed".

Men are the biggest babies when they're sick. I just want someone to bring me some milk and cookies and rub Vapo-Rub on my chest.

I should be in bed, but the gravitational pull of E2 is too great. This is sick in itself.