I wake up this morning, hoping that the confusion and anger of the pervious evening would not carry over, but it already has. After three years of dating her, I finally thought to myself, "Maybe I am just lucky. Most people go through life and never find love, and here I am with someone I could love for the rest of my life." The illusion is shattered several weeks after my anniversary, when I learn from my brother that she has betrayed me, not once but twice, has no regrets and that she plans to leave me after college is over.
I live with her, and I am trapped there, because without my apartment I can't attend college, since dorming is too expensive. I am forced to live a lie; to hide all my anger and disgust and fear, and just put on a smile. Last night we had sex, which is usually an agonizing experince already, but what made it worse for me was that she was actually passionate. Inside of my head, all sorts of conflicting ideas battled out. I felt the joy, the comfort, the security that one feels when they are in love, and I felt the desperation, the anger, and the loss that comes with falling out of love.
This morning I awoke from the aftermath of this internal conflict and I don't know what to do. I am so afraid, so skeptical of love, and so unsure of where I am going to go. One thing is for certain: I must escape this or there is no chance for me to renew my life again.